A Sex confession
When I was 10 or 11, a guy was round at my house. I didn't really like him. He decided to pull a trick by pretending to be asleep. He used to do this all the time - the cheeky grin on his face was a big giveaway. After some waiting, I dragged him up to my room and left him there to see if he would come down. He kept up the act. In frustration and anger, I gave him a wedgie, pulled his trousers down, and even paddled him with a stick. He kept up the act all through this, and even a while after. He didn't protest one bit, and, in the following days and weeks, didn't seem phased at all by it. It wasn't that bad. We were two kids, and the incident could be passed off as boyish horseplay.
At the time there were no conscious sexual connotations, bt now I think I might have gotten pleasure from it. It's the only time my instincts have broken through my stolidly moral personality. Without the subconscious sexual feelings, I see no real problem with the incident. But with them, I feel like a monster.
I feel like I need to be punished, but dragging this up may make it worse for the boy, and I would never be seen as normal again.
I am the only one who knows about these feelings, and the only one who hasn't moved on. I want to talk about it, but that may have consequences. I just need closure so that I can get on with my life.
Please tell me what you think
