A Sex confession

Well I'm 13 and I masturbate ...(i also watch porn...) I started when I was 10 and at first I didn't know what I was doing. The porn was when i turned 11. It was actually an accident tho. I was on my brothers computer and saw the name 'Latinas have fun' and I clicked on it thinking it'd be a normal video...I found it...exciting and kept watching...like only 2 human videos then I looked at Hentai (anime smutt) and well...that turned me on and i started playing with myself while watching it. Currently watching Hentai and masturbating is now a HUGE addiction...I know it's bad and I want to stop but I just can't. It did stop for anout 4 months in the beginning of middle school but I got back on my bros computer...so...yeah. Also, i keep doing it in the shower but my hentai addiction has ceased and i only watch like 3 times a month. I wanna tell my family...but, im scared that they will never see me the same. I've come to acept that this is just a puberty thing, you know like exploring your body and sexuality. I've never told anyone about this before so this..makes me feel a little at ease. I also have some..sex dreams...one before i even got into this smutt. It was a dream about my moms boyfriends son and my sister toghter...you know...doing it. The next was me giving a blow job to a guy. And the 3rd was losing my first kiss to a punk teen my age..(the last two were this year) after that we presumably dated (its just a dream) and kept it a secret. Also i had a sexual interaction with my moms boyfriend son. I was 8 he was 14 and asked if i wanted a cookie. We were alone and it was midnight. I said yes and then he said that he was gonna tell me something first and that he was gonna show me something. He had told me that he had lost his virginity to someone already and that he wanted to demonstrate what he did. So he told me he'd give me a cookie if I let him test me. Understand I was 8 so I hadn't no idea what these things meant. He had me lay down and got on top of me. He kissed my neck and I repeatedly asked him what he was doing. He said he was just showing me love...so he then started pressing his thing...against me and eventually started humping me...this made me feel very uncomfortable and i told to stop it or i'll tell...he just continued and started touching me there...he took my hand and placed on top of his thing and told me to rub it...i told him no and he ... hit me..so i rubbed it and he soon removed his shorts and told me to remove my skirt...I was actually okay with that cause when we were little we took showers together so nothing new. After that he started to umm...get his thing very close to my area. This time I seriously told him stop it and that I was scared. He said not to be afraid and that he was almost finish. Ho forcibaly removed my shirt and touched my breasts while lightly licking them...he asked if it felt good and said i better say yes unless hes gonna do something more intense...i said yes and he continued...this time he took off his boxers and told me to suck...i sucked for about 10 minutes (he held me down) and he came on me...after he was gonna ppenatrate me..his thing was close to my opening and he was rubbing it on my area...I told him to stop and I'll forget all about it and will never mention it...He said okay and then when we saw each other he'd smirk and wink at me...it also makes me feel uneasy when alone with him. Well other than that I've been molested numerous times...one from my uncle...I was spending the night at his house and so i slept on the floor. In the middle of the night he came to the bed and layed with me. He put his hands up my shirt and under my bra and rubbed me there...he just smiled at me the whole time and kept lowering his hands to my area till my tia woke up and he stopped before she got in the room. He told not to talk about it so I barely visit him now. It's also happened at school. My friends would slap me a lot on the butt and would touch my breasts outside after school. They kept telling me to come play with them but I kept refusing so one slapped me...this was at the end of 5th grade. My sister has even tried to makeout with me while I was sleeping...she told me t forget about the past tho... I've basically been terrified all my life... and since those experiences touching myself has become an addiction that I hate. Its also uncomfortable when my boyfriend tries to hug me..I always flinch. So I just needed to tell someone or a lot of people this...it makes me feel a little better...

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Tags: Addiction, Brother, Feelings, Friends, Hate, Home, Life, Masturbation, Mother, Sister, Want, Son, Secret, Teen, Scared