i love my boyfriend so much, it scares me. He doesn't realize that he is the only thing in my life that's worth anything at all. i can't tell him that, because i know it would be unfair to put so much pressure on him. but the truth is, i might die without him.... at the same time, i know it can't last forever. Next year i'll be a HS junior, and he'll be on a gap year before college, traveling for several months. i have random meltdowns when i think about him leaving. it's hard for me to enjoy our time now, because all i can think is that the more i'm with him, the harder it will be to let go.
i know he loves me too, but he doesn't have the same irrational dependence. i hate being the one who cares more, i feel pathetic. i don't know how this happened. and i don't know what i'll do without him. I might melt away.