I beat up my boyfriend

 
I am bipolar young woman, diagnosed at 14. Long story short, I moved in the last month and now have no health insurance. I quit buying my medicine because I didn’t want to buy it anymore. My boyfriend and I took a vacation to Las Vegas last week for 5 days. I had started to get really irritable, shitty, and bitchy due to not being on the meds anymore. For no reason. One night, we went out to a few night clubs. We had ALOT to drink. We got back to our hotel room, I ended up going through his phone and found a few texts he and his friends wrote saying about how rude I was being. Nothing horrible, just stating facts I guess. I found a reason to get upset, and I beat him up. When he held my hands back to keep me from hitting him, I head butted him. I bruised his eyes, left bruises and injuries on his cheeks, and split his lips. This has never happened before. I feel so awful. I feel so fucking horrible. He is such a wonderful man and treats me like a queen. I am trying to make up for it. I’m still not on medicine (we can’t really afford it) and I’m not going to drink anymore. I’m going to a priest at my church to seek counseling. I love him dearly and I want to make it up to him, I don’t know how! please dear God forgive me.
by: Anonymous
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    LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER! LESBO FIGHTER!

    by: Anonymous

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    i feel bad as well.. I also got into big with my b.f..he started calling me names and starting shit out of no where, and he was saying some real fucked up stuff that pushed those buttoms.. i know there excuses for this.. so i punch him several times, he push me several times.. i started to scrath his face up.. it looks sooooooooo bad :( i can go to jail anytime for this.. :( i dont know what got into me.. I need some help to control this. i cant believe my self..

    by: Anonymous

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    I too did a search for "I beat up my boyfriend". He's the second guy I've ever hit...the first one I hit once or twice but definately not as badly as I hit my guy last night. I feel awful about it even though some of my friends say I was justified...in fact i do feel somewhat justified because I wanted him out of my house, he kept barging into any room I went into, trying to "hold me still" and I couldn't stop him, all the while i'm yelling at him to get out of my house (we were both really drunk)...but I feel shitty about trying to justify my behavior at the same time, especially as someone who has been on the receiving end of domestic violence. I beat him in the head with a metal hairspray can a bunch of times...I have no idea what it looks like and haven't talked to him (we've only been dating a couple months, so I think it's pretty much over) but apparently it's swollen. Me being drunk and losing my car and asking him to help me find it (he wouldn't) is what started all of this. I feel so horrible and fucking hate myself for resorting to crazed violence.

    by: Anonymous

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    i did a search for "i beat my boyfriend" and found this. I have similar psych issues too, but i dont believe thasts where the desire comes from. I think our decision making is fleeting b/c its feuled by emotion. the desire is something to get to the bottom of, the action I thought was a choice but it certainly doesnt FEEL that way in the moment. Why does hands on violence come to mind as a means to a soloution? It shouldnt, but i dont feel the decision being made, i just swing. ANd these action lead to heavy guilt, which furthers my attachment and I turn suicidal b/c i cant stop myself, and thats pathetic because I know I Love him, Im just not IN Love w/him right now, We're both overwhelmed by our life situations, and that drives us to emotional, financial, and our relationshit/ps extremes. I honestly hate my behavior, and Im so scared I cant prevent it from happening in the future. He would NEVER hit me, and I know that, I almost wish he would cause it would be a raw show of emotion, Id kill for a smile, a laugh from him, but the easy buttons to push are the ones with hairline triggers, for myself as well. I know we're a strong force, we can/could do alot, and Im starting to wonder about that'if you love it, you set it free, right?' and that thought is Killing me Inside because I feel like a cage, i feel ive trapped him, and its killing me inside. I needed to write this somewhere, someone will read it..

    by: Anonymous

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    their is no way you can fully make this up to him, only threw time, you did a horible thing, but the fact that you are not drinking will show him that you are trying to make mends. the best thing you can do is spoil him and tell him how much you love him. have you appoligised but only say sorry once as you don't want to appear clingly.

    by: Anonymous

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    Haha dumb bitch I woulda slapped you into next week

    by: Anonymous

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    Haha dumb bitch

    by: Anonymous

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    I am starting to research for an article about female perpetrators of domestic violence against their male partners. Would you consider talking to me and help raise the profile of this often under discussed issue?

    by: Anonymous

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    I bet if it was him who attacked you you'd have had him arrested. Want to make it up to him? Leave him

    by: Anonymous

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    Being bipolar is not an excuse for your actions nor is it the reason u did such a thing. Being off meds is your own damn fault. If you can't afford them there are programs that will either help you pay for them or you can even get them free sometimes through the drug manufacturer. You have no excuse other than u didn't want to take them. Its people like u that make most people think so badly of the bipolar diagnosis. I'm bipolar. Been on and off meds for 15 years. Never hae I used it as an excuse for such idiotic behavior! You r lucky u r not n jail somewhere for domestic violence charges.A priest can't help you! You don't really want help or you'd find a way to get the meds you need.

    by: Anonymous

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    First of all, I'd like to say that true it is idiotic behavior to beat your spouse, but not all people who are bipolar have it to the same severity nor have they been through the same experiences. I am bipolar and grew up seeing my dad beat my mom and my mom beating me and my grandpa beating my grandma. At the age of twenty, I beat my boyfriend and have been doing so more frequently since ive been off my meds. I feel horrible after but during me beating him i dont care. Drinking tends to help you get angry quickly bipolar or not, but from the bipolar people ive seen, they tend to be violent drunks.I'd say definetly stay off the booze especially when your already in a bad mood that day, the worst of those feelings will come out when your wasted. Don't let your boyfriend get wasted either because his drunken stupor could set you off i know it would me.Buy a punching bag, when you get the burning desire inside to beat your boyfriend, go out side and beat it until your dead tired and ignore him. I'd also recommend to stay on the meds, I can feel a major change in my feelings, mood and mindset when I'm not on them.

    by: Anonymous

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