Once I got in a huge fight with my mom, so I told her that in the seventh book of Harry Potter Dobby dies, and she broke down in tears, telling me to leave the house and not to come back until I had thought about what I had done.
I got so bored that somehow I came up with the idea that I could text my friends using the voice recognition of Siri....and my ass. My farts only spell out a few words but still......
When I was about 6 years old, when people used "np" in chat, I thought it meant nope. I then proceeded to curse them out. When I learned it meant no problem, I started thinking about how confused those people must have been.
In high school there are so many geeks around. I go out of my way to kick their asses and make them cry. I love knocking their glasses off their faces then stepping on their glasses and laughing. The other day I beat the crap out of a geek in front of his girlfriend. The girlfriend ended up dumping him and hooking up with me. Last week I made... [more]
I started working as a stripper last year, and it's amazing how many guys between 35-55 come into the clubs looking for a wife. Even the ones who are already married are looking to trade up. And at least one girl gets proposed to every night of the week, every night, even by guys who they have never even seen before in their lives. I mean it's... [more]
Okay so today in class I told a girl that I used to date something very mean but it was worth it. Before I say what I did this girl is overly obsessive and always pisses me off so she deserves this. We had sex one time while we dated. But anyways today I told her with a serious face I have herpies and that she has them to. She cried and cried in... [more]
I don't kill spiders in my house because somewhere, I still think I can become spider-man
One day when I was about 7 I was bit by on dog on the butt. It left me in the ER. Know I'm 23 and I was drunk at a friends house for her bridal shower. They dared me to get a tattoo. So we stumbled down to the tatto place. I was so drunk I got a tattoo of a dog on my Butt. Its biting my crack. My Friend getting married got a tatto saying " never... [more]
I swear this is true and has to be one of the funniest things to happen in someones life.
I used to take a lot of pain medications. One of the side effects of taking so many pain meds is constipation. Well, there was a time that I had not taken a shit for 2 whole weeks, and was hurting bad to say the least.
I went to the emergency room... [more]
I've killed 20-40 people I've stabbed a bunch of bums killed a few models killed a guy and his dog and my ex Bethaney I tried to kill my assistant but I didn't I killed a woman with a chainsaw but I had too cause she almost got away I ate a little bit of there brains and tried to cook...also I killed Paul Allen with an ax to the face I guess Im a... [more]
I really find it hilarious when people try to turn trolls into moral law abiding citizens with only their wordy liberal banter as ammo. Online and off.
My friend sidouche is a total idiot...immature freak of nature...and i care for him but he acts like a total immature bitch...he doesnt know how to make friends and shit....he is a complete joke and makes himself looks like a jackass everytime he does something....i make his life miserable by insulting him and hurting hi...i enjoy it but i think... [more]
So, my class was in social studies and we were studying totem poles and they're were a bunch of them in the room and one of them had a mini football. So, naturally the boys start throwing the football around and then our teacher comes in and they're all like "Here here and this one girl is on her desk saying that too. And the boy that has the... [more]
