Just a Teenage Dream of Love...any advice?

I want to hate you, because I know that you don't really love me. We were best friends, you were my neighbors cousin who only came up 4 times a year, you only lived 2 hours away. I shouldn't have loved you, or told you I did, because all it did was make me cry.

You say you love me, but I don't think you do, you've never called me beautiful, smart, complimented me or anything. You told me I was pretty once, but that was only because I was feeling sorry for myself.

We should have never fooled around, because it made me want you more. I wanted your kisses, your hands holding mine, arms entangled and feet entwined. I think it was too much to ask.

I should have never have loved you, and put you in a position where you have to send "love you too <3" every night when I think you don't really feel anything. I don't want to annoy you on msn, but I want to keep talking, because your my friend and I love you.

I wish I wasn't the fat girl you have to feel sorry for. I wish I wasn't 15 and almost 200 pounds, and I wish I knew what kind of girls you DO like. I feel jealous, because I don't know other girls that go to your school.

I want you to be my boyfriend, my best friend, my everything, and you are...but what am I to you?

I love you J. So much it hurts, but I can't ask you how you feel,without feeling like your responding out of pity for the fat girl, or if you actually love me.

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