S******* the mailman

I am married and my husband does not like s**. He turns me down every time I initiate it and he never makes the first move. We are young, have no children, work normal hours and have a great life, but he just won't have s** with me more than a couple of times a year. I've cheated on him more than once, but felt guilty and stopped. About 6 months ago I got really h**** and frustrated and went to the mailman's house, he lives in the same town as we do, and had s** with him. I didn't do it again until a couple of months later. I've had s** once since then so yesterday I called him and told him to come over tonight and we're going to f*** our brains out. I'm going to do this EVERY chance I get because I need it. I have done everything to satisfy myself, including buying a vibrator, but nothing is quite like the real thing. I don't know what the mailman is getting out of this, he's got plenty of women to have s** with, but he's ok with it, so I am, too. I've been waiting all day to feel him inside of me and am so hot and wet thinking about him. He knows exactly what he's doing and lasts a long time. I don't feel guilty now, but I'll let you know after we do the deed again tonight if I feel guilty this time, too. If not, he's coming every chance I get to have him over.

Nov 18, 2010

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  • Few years ago, as my marriage was in the crapper, I changed trash haulers to a new, smaller company. Their first week, I found it it was a woman and an extended pickup truck. Met her, and was taken by her rough, wrong side of the tracks, but hot looks, and, odd for a trash hauler, extremely long, thick nails that were usually red. I was hooked from day one.

    Every week, I'd chat with her outside, compliment her nails, ask her about business, etc, until inviting her in one late-day. That became physical, and, within two weeks, started having s** with her. Beautiful, sexy woman, trash hauler or not. She really got me going, to the point I didn't want or need s** from my wife (not that we'd had it in months anyway). Now ex-wife never asked why I gave up on trying to have s** with her. Never knew the hauler woman was satisfying my every need.

  • You deserve a good time and have fun honey.

  • You sound like a w****

  • Your predicament is not a new one. I will give my feelings about the situation, knowing that many men and probably some women will disagree. However, I know what I am talking about. You say that your husband watches p*** and masturbates. Putting it simply, he is taking the manly strength that belongs to you and using it selfishly. Actually he is in a sense unfaithful to you. I do not watch p**********, but know enough that I can say it is not realistic. It’s a show. But he probably feels he cannot perform like what he sees in the p*** shows, so he would rather just stay in his individual shell and do what he knows he can do—that is his comfort zone. There are at least two reasons he denies you what belongs to you: One is fear that he cannot perform as he sees the actors perform. Another is, he masturbates enough that his sexual drive is diminished as far as you are involved. If he would abstain from all other sexual activities besides making love to you, I believe he would soon have an irresistible drive to have s** with you. Of course, if he is not willing for this, maybe there is not much you can do. I strongly believe that if a husband watches p*** and masturbates it always harms the marital relationship.

  • Life is a negotiation. Just beware that your last resort option has many perils inherent to it. My suggestion is couples therapy. Make him go.

  • Yes, the posts from "has your husband always disliked s**" down have been from me. I'm not judging at all. I think your posts are totally honest. I think you hit your breaking point. And I don't doubt that your husband is a great guy and your best friend. And you're going beyond to try to make him feel wanted and loved and for whatever reason...it doesn't always work. Which leaves you feeling unwanted and needing to find something outside of your marriage. I think you've done everything YOU can do..but I think really your husband is not holding up his end of the deal here. You don't have to divorce, but you can not begin to work on the problem for the both of you, if he's not willing to work on himself. And the answer may not be found between the two of you. Who knows if even couples therapy would be the totally answer, but something has to be done and at least that's a start. You can't live this way the way it is, and you can't always continue to cheat. At some point, the guilt may be more than you can deal with. Your last line to your last post is IT exactly what needs to happen. He needs to do something for the sake of your marriage. I'll say it again..it's no longer a choice for him. You know, I'm sure he loves you and considers you to be his best friend as well.. but I wish he could really see the hoops that you go to to make him feel loved and wanted.

  • I don't know if you are the same person I've been talking to, but thank you for being understanding. I guess when it comes down to it, I do feel guilty, which is why it's only happened 3 times. My husband is a wonderful man, and I can't say that this is his problem, I'd have to say it's OUR problem because in the long run it's hurting us both.
    I know that he has never been molested, other than the intimacy missing due to lack of s**, we have a very close relationship and do everything together (another factor in why this has happened so few times) and is extremely caring, understanding, kind and nurturing. We laugh together and he is really a great person. I just sort of reached my breaking point and in hindsight, I feel like my actions were akin to a child throwing a tantrum even though I have tried EVERYTHING to fix this for us and we have openly discussed our almost non-existant s** life.
    All of your questions and suggestions are valid, realistic and reasonable. We've discussed all of these things but have never been able to come up with an answer.
    I've really looked at it from so many angles that there is no answer and honestly, even though he is a terrific person whom EVERYONE loves, the lack of s** and intimacy is being overshadowed by his refusal to address the problem. I'm far from perfect, but when there are things that come up about me and my behavior, I fix it. He's just ignoring his problem and that is the most frustrating thing of all.

  • It's great that you can look at the situation from all points of views..gain perspective. S** is a huge thing in a marriage. There are always dips in the frequency, but that's how couples reconnect. It's good that you know you want to stay in your marriage because it's worth fighting for. After rereading some of your replies..the problem is stemming from him..not you. But now it just becomes a shared problem. But that doesn't make him a bad person. Just someone who needs help to get through whatever he's going through. Thinking of reasons why someone would have intimacy issues..do you know if he has ever been molested as a child? Most men don't speak of this..but this causes huge intimacy issues. Or would you consider him to be emotionally unavailable? check out lifescript.com it has really great articles on couples with issues of all kinds. A lot of the solution does revolve around getting you both in to some sort of therapy. But there has to be a point for you too where he needs to start dealing with healing. It may no longer be a choice for him...

  • Just a few additional comments: it has only been 6 months (3 times total) with the mailman, and no I have no feelings for him other than I find his personality very appealing, but would never entertain the idea of anything more than a physical with him.
    Yes, I have told my husband how fantastic he is in bed, and I was being truthful. It's all about the intimacy when it comes to my husband and I do feel much more loved and closer to him on the rare occasions that we do make love. I have also suggested an open marriage, couples counseling, individual counseling, s** counseling, medical doctors, etc. You name it, I've suggested it. I guess the reason I don't feel bad about what I've done because this was a LAST resort, not my initial reaction and I really do NOT want a divorce. We get along beautifully outside of the s** thing, but it is a big thing. No woman could ask for a better husband in any way other than s**. I don't complain about money, I don't complain about houses, cars, jewelry, family-nothing except for s** and after posting my confession and seeing the responses I'm beginning to feel like he is intentionally being selfish and perhaps harbors some resentment towards me for some reason unknown to me.
    Posting my confession on this website was possibly the best thing that I ever did. I can handle the insults and the criticsm, but I've realized, through the suggestions and questions asked of me that I have done absolutely EVERYTHING to fix this and he's not letting me. It's really shedding some light on the situation for me and I am grateful for that. Putting things into perspective is a great thing.

  • Has your husband always disliked s**, or is this a new thing?

  • He does like s**, but feels like he doesn't perform well-no matter how much I reassure him and encourage him. He hasn't had many partners and has really low self-esteem. I love him very much and have tried to fix this in so many different ways, but he's resistant to addressing the problem. I really don't know what to do. I'm just sad because all I want is HIS attention and after begging for it for so long and he never shows me any. He promised that after we got married things would be different, but they haven't.

  • It's interesting because you're just getting your needs met. This is what men do when their wives withhold s**. I feel for you. It doesn't sound like you want to cheat, but what are you to really do? Have you discussed having children? Is that something you both want? You're doing everything you possibly can..building up his ego. The problem lies with him. Does he just have a low s** drive? You can tell him how fantastic he is, but if he doesn't believe it.. Have you considered going to couples counseling? This thing with the mailman has only been going on for 6 months. Have you developed any feelings for him or are you able to detach yourself? Really your options.. tell your husband that you want an open marriage. 2 Divorce..Of course it's up to you. Make it clear to him that marriage is a contract..and your husband isn't upholding his end of the deal. He's not even working on the one aspect... I guess how long can you do this for? When is your breaking point. It's just sad isn't it.. you know. It's hard out there to find someone. And no one is perfect..but jeesh!

  • Thank you for being so understanding. No we do not want children, and no he does not have a low s** drive. It's hard for me to see him want to have s**, but there's a little voice in his head that tells him that he doesn't perform well so he masturbates. Believe it or not I really do love him with all my heart and I have not stopped trying to encourage him to have s** with me. On Sunday I took a nice shower, got dressed all sexy with my hair and make up and approached him and asked him if he wanted to do "it", he said no, he had work to do and went into his office. MY ego was totally deflated. Fortunately, I know enough to realize that this is HIS problem, not mine, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Especially since I'm well educated and sensitive enough to understand that it's not that he's being a j***, he just has a serious performance issue (which is totally unfounded) and have offered several ways to address his problem and get him to relax and understand that I want HIM and the intimacy is more important than the performance. I've explained to him that we need the intimacy and that would satisfy me whether he lasted 1 minute or 1 hour. I guess I do feel somewhat guilty, and I'm still trying, but I have needs, too. I also want to be with him, grow old with him and take care of him in every way possible, he's the one who will NOT bend with regards to the sexual issues.
    I also know that he does not have a low s** drive because he enjoys p*** and masturbates to that. I even encourage him to buy his own p*** and we can watch it together (neither of us like anything too freaky), but he's way too shy to watch it with me. I'm not done and I'm not giving up on him. I just needed to get this out for my own peace of mind.

  • Oh Yeah!!! You are a real good wife!!!
    Get a damn divorce! Then f--k all the men you want!

  • Yes, well a divorce is a good idea, except he doesn't want one. His lifestyle would change dramatically since I earn more money than he does and I asked him for a divorce over the weekend. He says that he wants to stay married to me and knows that he has a problem with s**. A good wife? Yes, I am. I'm not leaving him and putting my needs before his, but I am still young and attractive and need to feel like he's attracted to me. If he even TRIED once in a while I would be ok with that, but after several years, I've given up on the idea of him trying. I've never turned him down and never would. It's so complicated, but either way he's going to probably get hurt, much like how he is hurting me by not addressing his problem-and I've made many, many suggestions but he's rejected each and every one of them. My feelings, wants and needs matter, too. I'm afraid to leave him. Not for me, but for HIM.
    I guess everyone is entitled to their own opiniion, but I see this as a deficit on both our parts: his with regards to not trying and mine for cheating. Maybe you should think about that before judging me. There are always two sides to every story and people do things for a reason. I don't want to have s** with ALL the men-just one, my husband, but he just will NOT try and it's so frustrating.

  • Well, I talked to him from work today and he is anxious to see me tonight. I think we're going to f*** outside. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist and want to watch him while he f**** me by the moonlight. Soooooooooo hot and my inhibitions and guilt are gone. I'll still be a good wife to my husband; the only difference is that I'm getting my satisfaction elsewhere as well. He's content jerking off, I can be content f****** the mailman.

  • After we did "the deed" last night-and he did EVERYTHING to me-I asked him if he thought that I was a bad person. He's really honest and said that he doesn't normally do this, but he understood my situation. He said, "Well, it's not you, you're hot. He just has a problem." My husband freely admits this and I'm not sure what will cure him of his sexual hang-ups. I might just do it again, because it felt so good to be with a man who really desired me. I've had a lot of relationships and this is the FIRST time I have been with a man who couldn't keep his hands off me. I think I'll call him right now...
    And NO, I do not feel guilty anymore. I've grown up so much in the last 10 years since I've been with my husband that I understand the difference between s** and love and the two are not mutually exclusive.

  • It is not right to deprive a woman of sexual fulfillment. For women, s** is an integral part of their being. They are beautiful sensual sexual beings if allowed to flourish. S** is different for men. Good for you to find fulfillment. Maybe try telling him about men looking at you or hitting on you at the grocery store. See if he gets aroused. If he does, cuckolding him with his knowledge may be a way to rekindle the passion in your marriage. My wife has a higher s** drive than I and she has three lovers she sees regularly. They are very masculine, virile, and endowed men that go for hours. She comes home to me happy and very affectionate. We share wonderful times when she gets back home to me.

  • I don't know. I'm not fat.

  • Ooops, I meant he said that I was no more of a j*** than he is and he said the problem was NOT me because he thinks I'm soooooo hot (a lot of men would love to be in the mailman's place) and I feel great this morning. I wonder when I'll see him again??????????

  • Thanks, I did f*** the mailman last night and had not one, but TWO incredible o****** and he's so awesome. He knows what I'm doing and why and is completely sympathetic. I'm not saying he's an angel or a saint-we're both sinners, but it made me feel really good when afterwards I told him that I was a j*** and outside of the s** I was completely devoted to my husband. He said that I was no more a j*** than I am for fooling around with me and that he also believes ses is very important in a relationship (he's recently divorced, good looking and personable. I don't love him, I want to be with my husband, but I've spent too many nights sleeping on the couch, being sexually frustrated that I'm ok with what I did and what I plan on continuing to do. I don't know anymore. I don't feel guilty. Is there something wrong with me?

  • H***, when it comes down to reality, we're all human. I can honestly say, I wish I were the mailman. Can any of us expect you to remain sexually faithful to a man who does not give you what you need? From what you say, your needs are not unreasonable. A husband's duty is in part, to fulfill the sexual needs of his bride. Yours are not being fulfilled here are they. (?)
    Sticky situation, hard to find the right choice, but like I said, we're human here.

  • THANK YOU for not judging me. It's been almost 10 years, he's a great guy, I love him and have been really patient with him. I make sure that I keep myself up, am very sexy and encourage him to do ANYTHING he wants with me and offer myself to him freely. He does not want to do anything. I do have a problem, though. Now that I'm officially sleeping with the mailman, I have to be careful and worry that he (the mailman) is not going to get me pregnant or give me any infections. This means additional trips to the ob/gyn and different precautions I have to take. What a surprise if I ended up pregnant or with a social disease and my husband has not touched me in months!
    I have to admit that I'm so surprised that after several months since our last encounter, the mailman totally jumped at the chance of having s** with me. It's not just f******, either-he totally makes love to me, even though I don't want him to. I really don't want any sort of commitment with him and just want to keep it physical, but he seems determined to have some emotional connection. I know he's recently divorced, but I thought that would make him more gun-shy about getting emotionally involved. I guess it hasn't. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Until then, I'm going to just lay back, relax and enjoy the ride. I don't see anything changing anytime soon unless I get sloppy and slip up.

  • Well, if you're a good looking, hard working, decent man, then I wish you were the mailman, too. Last night we did everything in EVERY possible way. We both had a great time and I'm VERY sexual so I had multiple o******. I am so frustrated that I could probably f*** a football team and still not be satisfied. This was never a problem before, but lately, I'm ready to do anything with the mailman. He's clean and discreet. I'm so turned on thinking about him that I'm going to call him now.

  • Where do u live? I'm a mailman and would love to deliver u the package

  • I'm told I'm good looking. Yes, decent job, and I am in pretty much the same situation as you. I am VERY sexual, but the wife is NOT. I think I have aphrodisiac for blood! Decent? Well, that's debatable. That is, read my comments. Yes, I am decent in every way, with an understanding mind of personal situations that may need some unorthodox resolution. (Like yours...and MINE)

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