Internal conflict sucks

I'm in love with a man I met while I was at basic training. My husband would/ will be shattered if/ when he learns about this. My husband and I have been together 6 and a half years and I do love him dearly. The problem here, is me. I met my boyfriend about 6 months ago, we were just friends for the longest time. One night, we both got ditched by a mutual friend of ours so we just hung out and got the bus into the city. we fooled around on the bus a bit, and when we got back to the barracks, we went to his room and had s** for a good 3 hours. We did the same thing a few more times. Then I was on course and we didn't see each other for a few weeks. We still missed each other terribly.

Once we were both available again, it was back to it and hotter than ever. We've both dropped the L-bomb on each other. We are together every free minute we can be, and even if we can't touch due to rules at the school the heat between us could keep me warm for the rest of my life. We miss each other when we're not together, and he's even brought up the fact that he wants me to be the mother of his daughter. He has claimed me as his own, and has told me he doesn't want to share me with my husband. That if he's going to share me, it's going to be on his terms, nobody else's.

I love T. He makes me happy, I could see him being great with my kids, being a great dad to a daughter if we had one. I could also see us always sharing the fire that's between us. It's just that amazing.

But I also still love K. The passion is gone unfortunately. What we have is the mutual love that most married couples have. But it feels like there is something significant missing. it's like the connection isn't there anymore. It makes me a little sad.

Also, I feel like I have to make a choice. I don't know that I have to do it now, but I will have to at some point. It sucks. Why can't I have both? Rhetorical question, I know why. I don't really want both at the same time. Both of them would get jealous. I won't allow myself to be shared unless it's something I discuss with T first.

What the f*** am I supposed to do?

9 Comments

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  • why would you laugh at someone for admitting a mistake like that? What the h*** is wrong with you, you f****** p**** hiding behind Anonymous?

  • I am married since 1986 with the same husband, and I was faithful for 22 years. Two years ago I started going to lunch with a co-worker, new graduate from college, so young that he could have been my son. I never thought we would cross the line, but it still happened. I trused him for almost six months, during which time he told me a lot of times how much he loved me, and how age is just a number. Needless to say that I slept with him more than once. In my (then) stupid mind I was feeling like a teenager again. Then, one time, while being at his place, a friend of his "stopped by" and "my trusted friend and lover" started to tell me how much his friend liked me, and how exciting it would be to make love to both of them. I wanted to die and I would have left if they let me. But they insisted, and I gave up, just for being able to leave and get home to take a shower before my husband got back from work. I never talked to him again, and 4 months later I found another job. It was the worst experience of my life, and if my husband found out about this he would probably kill me and himself, too. I'm telling you this because someone on the blog said "bad things happen to bad people", which I do not agree with. I am a very good and caring person, and still, I made a mistake for which I paid dearly.

  • HAHAHAHAHAH omg you got f****** OWNED by your little bf and his boy, f****** poetic justice right there folks.

  • You were banging a kid your sons age and than you let him and his friend run a train on you, next you went home and hung out with your family and never told your H. You f***ed the kid over and over and somehow you think that makes you not a bad person?

  • You're a dishonest person. Bad things happen to bad people

  • Lol i see that female soldiers are still whores, fellas keep in mind a b**** who is a 2or3 on the outside is a 10 in the service. Op are you and your f****** punkass jody boyfriend retarted? "he doesnt want to share me with my husband" lol f****** tramp.

  • a women like you will never be happy ever ever in life , after few moths or years you will get bored of this new guy , you are just another s*ut . and you did everything with out your husbands mistake , i feel sad for you husband .....

  • I agree with the first comment. But I am assuming you are at least 15 y/o because you say you have children!

    Where is your decency, honesty, integrity, respect? If not for your self,how about your husband and children?

    You are supposed to STOP messing around with that j***, tell your husband what you have done,go to counseling and pray your husband will forgive you and take care of your children. They are your first priority, not having s** with anyone other than your husband.

  • Anyone that says anything as f****** stupid as "L-bomb", deserves all the misery they can get.

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