Internal conflict sucks
I'm in love with a man I met while I was at basic training. My husband would/ will be shattered if/ when he learns about this. My husband and I have been together 6 and a half years and I do love him dearly. The problem here, is me. I met my boyfriend about 6 months ago, we were just friends for the longest time. One night, we both got ditched by a mutual friend of ours so we just hung out and got the bus into the city. we fooled around on the bus a bit, and when we got back to the barracks, we went to his room and had s** for a good 3 hours. We did the same thing a few more times. Then I was on course and we didn't see each other for a few weeks. We still missed each other terribly.
Once we were both available again, it was back to it and hotter than ever. We've both dropped the L-bomb on each other. We are together every free minute we can be, and even if we can't touch due to rules at the school the heat between us could keep me warm for the rest of my life. We miss each other when we're not together, and he's even brought up the fact that he wants me to be the mother of his daughter. He has claimed me as his own, and has told me he doesn't want to share me with my husband. That if he's going to share me, it's going to be on his terms, nobody else's.
I love T. He makes me happy, I could see him being great with my kids, being a great dad to a daughter if we had one. I could also see us always sharing the fire that's between us. It's just that amazing.
But I also still love K. The passion is gone unfortunately. What we have is the mutual love that most married couples have. But it feels like there is something significant missing. it's like the connection isn't there anymore. It makes me a little sad.
Also, I feel like I have to make a choice. I don't know that I have to do it now, but I will have to at some point. It sucks. Why can't I have both? Rhetorical question, I know why. I don't really want both at the same time. Both of them would get jealous. I won't allow myself to be shared unless it's something I discuss with T first.
What the f*** am I supposed to do?