So confused.. Am i q****?

Hey all,

So up until recently i thought i was straight.. I am female and my best friend came out to me as a lesbian about a year ago. I have always been very accepting and a lot of my friends are gay guys. When she came out to me, absolutely nothing changed. We still hung out like usual, acted like best friends, and neither of us we're uncomfortable. She has a very difficult time accepting her sexuality, so we don't talk about it much.

Anyways, I am a senior in high school, and as you know the year is coming to a close. Lately all I can think about is spending next year without her as my best friend. The thought of going to separate colleges makes me incredibly sad and feel lonely.

Although I do think that she is attractive (I think it's possible to find beauty in both genders) I just can't imagine myself having s** with a woman.. ever. So that makes me think, alright I'm not q**** im just lonely. However.. I get jealous when she's with other friends, I am very protective in the sense that i worry about her all the time, i love the the little quirky things about her that not many people know, and the way she can always make me smile and s*** like that. I don't want to have s** with her though.. and to me, the only difference between friends and being in a relationship is s**.

Is this normal? Am I in love with her or is this just happening because I don't want to lose my best friend to college?

Also.. I feel like i thought she liked me. But i'm not sure if that's really the case or im imagining things because i know she's gay and nobody else knows. I've considered talking to her.. but even if she does like me, I would be too terrified to be in a relationship with her. And if she doesn't like me I feel like I would be let down for some reason. So.. help?

I'm so confused, if anyone can offer advice please I appreciate it.

Mar 14, 2011

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  • You are right that the only difference between a close friendship and a relationship is s**, but it's a pretty freaking huge difference. S** is a important part of connecting with someone you love, its more than just a physical act. If you don't want to have s** with her, you don't want a relationship with her. You two are clearly very close, and because you share a pretty big secret (her sexuality), it makes sense that you are that much more bonded. But if you don't want to s**** her, then gay you are not.

    Now if I was in your shoes, I might cool the friendship off (somewhat). If you are possessive and jealous, that's not normal or healthy for you. If she has a crush on you that you can't fully reciprocate (which if you don't want s** then you can't), that's not healthy for her. So, while I am not saying you should end your friendship, it may be healthy for both of you to relax things a bit and let others in more. It will make going to school a little less traumatic and will let you both find someone to be a close friend AND a partner.

    Or you could pretend to be something you're not for the rest of your life and be her girlfriend. Your call, but that sounds miserable for both of you.

  • She sounds like a good friend. Not a lover. Lovers come and go but friends can be forever. Make it so.

  • You sound pretty normal and have nothing to be confused or worried about. It's part of life to question and figure out who you are and who you like. It's very possible that your best friend has/had a crush on you. Totally makes sense right? After all you're amazing, what's not to like? But really, we are all looking for the love of our life to also be our best friend, just the opposite s** version. Although in her case, it's the same s**. The basis of any great relationship is a great friendship. And yes s** and intimacy can change and complicate a friendship. Because she's come out, you are questioning your own sexuality. Could you be in love with your friend? It sounds like you care for her, but not in a romantic way. You could be jealous because maybe she's branching out a bit. Thinking about it, doesn't make you gay. And that's okay too. Sounds like you are just experiencing a lot of anxiety about your future and what that holds for you and her. You are going to be absolutely fine. College will be great for the both of you, even at different colleges.

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