Struggling With The Aftermath Of My Rape
I not very popular at my school and hang with kind of hang with the outcast crowd. For about two years now I have been bullied and harassed at school everyday. This all started last year when I dated a guy who is very popular among everyone and he ended up raping me. The whole school found out quickly and that begun my bulling. I immediately was called a liar, hoe, and s*** and more. It got to the point at the end of the year were I was going to transfer out of school but I somehow managed to stick in there. As 10th grade year rolled around my rapist didn't show his face at school for the first trimester of school and in that trimester I was less bullied and people actually looked up to me and saw how strong I was. I was putting my life and soul back together but it didn't include any guys cause I couldn't trust them. I didn't talk to anyone about my rape at school but when I was at a friends sleepover I fell asleep and had a flashback to the day it all happened; I woke up screaming my head off and historically cry that night and my parents came and got me. Since that night my friends saw a huge change in my personality and attitude. My close friends saw my pain and they all knew. As trimester 2 started he was back and everything stared again and I was called a liar, s*** and more. Sometimes I wish kids at school would just understand the seriousness of this issue and actually step back and see what kind of effect they have on people not just me, but I know they will never understand anything unless they go through it themselves. As my 10th grade year wraps up I can defiantly say after waking up in the middle of the night balling my eyes out, coming home and crying, getting shampoo dumped on my head during lunch and more that I am beyond fed up with this all and the worst part about this all is MY SCHOOL DOESN'T DO S*** ABOUT IT ALL. With all this said I am for sure transferring to another high school next year in hope that I can get a new start. As for my rapist, he past by me everyday and knows exactly what he has done. Every once in awhile he calls my house leaves voice mails saying he's sorry and never meant any of it, He still emails me and trys to talk to me in the halls but I run the other way and when I see him with other girls I think to myself "Give it time then he'll do the same to you that he did to me". I am not the first girl he has done this to and I am difinatly not his last. My hope for the future is that if this happens to another girl that she'll be stronger then me and have the guts to stand in court and fight him like I couldn't. I know that i'll always be effected by my rape in the future and in my relationships all because of one guy. If your reading this and was raped or whatever by someone just know your not alone and there are many more out their...and know matter what FIGHT no matter how hard it is. You are never at fault!