I guess I f***** up.
I'm 16 year old male. I live with my 'dad'. My mother died when I was six so it's not like I remember her anyway. It's been just me and him since then. No siblings. No girlfriends. Nothing. I've got a lot of dude friends, course. I'm just, f***** up. After freshman year in highschool. I gave up. I flunked my classes and started up on weed, spice, shop lifting, vandalizing, anything and everything I could think of. My dads a police officer of the county next to us, he is a night police officer so I got the place to myself. I f***** my first girl about two months ago. And you know. I wasn't sasisfyed. Now, don't get me wring p**** is great. Better than your hand. But is ant really nothing special. Nothing meaningful. I ant gay, I f****** am grossed out
By homos, sorry I have my reasons. Anyways, I guess I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I feel like I should just go to trading school because really who cares? My bestfriends mother asked me a couple days ago why I act out, I'm not, I'm just doing me. Why would I cry for attention like that? I don't enjoy getting beat with a belt, or grounded or cut off. Whatever. Sometimes I wish my mother didn't f****** die on me. You know what? It was suicide. Who does that? Who leaves there child. Why isn't she give a s***. I wish my dad could understand me. Without yelling and b******* and f****** downgrading me. Whatever. It's like it goes, you brake your own Bose to disgusted the world, who you really hurting though right. S**** f***** up. This fuckig world is f***** up. Everything is f***** up. You know what really sucks? P*** doesn't even turn me on, not anymore. I'm not hungry, not happy. Ant want to get out of bed no more. Nothing is anything anymore. Things- f***.