I guess I f***** up.

I'm 16 year old male. I live with my 'dad'. My mother died when I was six so it's not like I remember her anyway. It's been just me and him since then. No siblings. No girlfriends. Nothing. I've got a lot of dude friends, course. I'm just, f***** up. After freshman year in highschool. I gave up. I flunked my classes and started up on weed, spice, shop lifting, vandalizing, anything and everything I could think of. My dads a police officer of the county next to us, he is a night police officer so I got the place to myself. I f***** my first girl about two months ago. And you know. I wasn't sasisfyed. Now, don't get me wring p**** is great. Better than your hand. But is ant really nothing special. Nothing meaningful. I ant gay, I f****** am grossed out
By homos, sorry I have my reasons. Anyways, I guess I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I feel like I should just go to trading school because really who cares? My bestfriends mother asked me a couple days ago why I act out, I'm not, I'm just doing me. Why would I cry for attention like that? I don't enjoy getting beat with a belt, or grounded or cut off. Whatever. Sometimes I wish my mother didn't f****** die on me. You know what? It was suicide. Who does that? Who leaves there child. Why isn't she give a s***. I wish my dad could understand me. Without yelling and b******* and f****** downgrading me. Whatever. It's like it goes, you brake your own Bose to disgusted the world, who you really hurting though right. S**** f***** up. This fuckig world is f***** up. Everything is f***** up. You know what really sucks? P*** doesn't even turn me on, not anymore. I'm not hungry, not happy. Ant want to get out of bed no more. Nothing is anything anymore. Things- f***.


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  • I feel quite sorry for you mate, with your mums death and all. Even though I'm not in the same position as you and even though I'm a bit younger, I understand and I've gone through a f*** load of s*** in my life which I'm not proud of, so all I can say is talk to someone close to you It REALLY helps, whether it be your dad, a best mate, a counciler or whatever, just talk to someone... Good luck xxx

  • Thanks, I appreccaite your kind words

  • It sounds like you need a really big hug and for someone to say that they care and you're worth it and everything is going to be alright. And you're dad is not a nurturer. He loves you, but probably has no idea how to show you or answer your questions. You are screaming for attention (drugs/petty crimes), for your dad to notice you. But you have to start screaming in a positive way. Getting your life back on track and motivating yourself to succeed. I agree with the other comments, a therapist could really help you. Maybe even talk to your friend's mom some more. At least that's a start. S** may be better for you when you find a girl you actually have feelings for. But until then, you have to get to a place where you're happy. Make a change to how you're living. Exercise, stay out of trouble, volunteer, try to go back to school or get your GED. Take little steps.

  • Thanks, but easier said than done, miss. For the record though, I'm not acting out because why would I enjoy being punished by a 210 pound cop who can bench 170 plus? I weigh 170.

  • I know..nothing is ever easy. It's all work. But you do have choices, you have to seek them out. Can you go to live with another relative? You're not always going to be 16 or 17. You do need an education. I said acting out, only because the drugs can be a way to escape from dealing with your problems. And sometimes delinquent actions are a cry for attention. You want your dad to acknowledge you with a pat on the back, not a punch. But your dad sounds like an ass. You could call CPS, but that may be even worse for you. I hope you figure things out sooner than later. It sounds like you're really smart and looking to better yourself. There are resources available to you. You just have to look into them. There's jobcorps.com. Hope you find something you love and go for it.

  • Thanks that means a lot idk your right I'm close to 18 so I'll be gone forever soon.

  • ^^^ What the person above said and the same thing I just told someone else - talk to a therapist before you end up in or UNDER a jail cell. You will NOT like jail.

  • I'm confused by your logic. One I would kill myself if I ende up in jail. Garunted. Two why would be under anything. And three, who gives a damn they would have to catch me first.

  • Hi,
    I dont want to sound really impersonal or anything, but mate, you are obviously hurting so bad. Have you ever thought about maybe you have depression?
    Lack of sexual need/ libido is a symptom. So is all your other problems. Mate, i seriously reccomend seeing your doctor. he could sort you out.

    All the best.

  • Depression? No I don't think so I mean maybe. Idk, s** is just boring. I enjoy braking car windows, mirrors, and shot way better. Idk, thanks mate.. Appreciate your thoughts

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