Best friends suck

I love my best friend.
Here's our story (in short)
1st-3rd: hated each other!
4th: Friends
5th: Became best friends with him and this other girl a YEAR younger. Me and him kind of liked each other, flirted and everything, but it wasnt really anything. He started to date our friend...I was kind of with this guy. He told me (with his hands and voice) that he liked me this much I----I and he liked her this much I--------------I and that he was sorry.
6th: I liked him from afar..stayed BEST friends.
7th: Still liked him from afar, he was confusing. Whenever he would play piano for me (which was a lot) he would stare right at me, even when other people were in the room. Everyone said we would be cute together, but we never did anything to change our friendship. Met a new girl, a YEAR younger than me.
8th: At the beginning he was all nervous whenever I was in the room with him, didn't want me in his sight when he would play cause he got all nervous. Made me upset, since he use to SING to me (occasionally). New girl and I became BEST friends, inseparable! Her close friend (and mine) wanted to get him and her together. My BEST girly friend was worried about ME (which was kind of new, considering the situation), said she didnt want to do it, if I still liked him. Told her no and that she should do it.
8th: My two best friends date..I had to fight with my conflicting feelings of happiness, jealousy, sadness. But my friendship with both of them won over it all. My BEST girly friend stayed my BEST girly friend and we became like sisters! My best guy friend..we stayed close but it felt distant..though (something I hate) everyone who didn't know they were dating including my family (though they did know) kept saying how we were really cute together and that we had CHEMISTRY!

It broke my heart..and it scares me that hes no longer in there, except for the family section of my poor scared heart.

idk if this is a confession..

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