Love him~ but he doesn't love me back
I'veebeen married for 17 years. I adore my husband...he is handsome- so handsome- and powerful at work, and he used to adore me, but finally my eyes are wide open and I see that he has turned me into a mother figure...he wants unconditioanl love annd sspporrt but does NOT want to recipricate. I give my all...and it is not enough...mean while he cheats and lies and lies and lies and smiles at me and tells me it is all in my head...then he buys me stuff and acts like the hero.Thhe catch 22 is is if I ask for what I want- he pulls farther away- the only way to "win" is to be who he wants without feeling hurt or growing bitter because if I do that then he has more reason to do what he wants. It is always my fault. I'm never enough. He eludes to the fact that I'm not attractive and his wondering eys are salt to my wounds. My pride makes me stay. If I leave I failed...I was not enough like he says. Heis so angry all the time- which is my fault...he cheats or lies...it's my fault. I give and give and try and try...I finally figured out I will never win. For 2 weeks I have stopped doing everything I usually do.I'm tired and it is just buying me more time- not changing anything. Watch- the demise of our relationship be ME! I feel like a failure.