Rape has been on my mind

Seven years ago I was raped by my boyfriend. My mind has blocked out most of the details and even though it was long ago, I haven't been able to clearly define it as rape. Probably because the only forms of rape we see are when people have physical violence and people threatening their life. I used to dream and wish those kinds of rapes would happen to me. That was easier to deal with and more easily defined than just a boyfriend who acts like you didn't say anything. He wasn't deaf. I wish I knew how to tell my family about this. It's important to me.

He came over with one thing in mind. S**. I said no and that I wasn't ready but I didn't fight him back. I was only fifteen and he was my boyfriend. I thought no means no. Anyways, I don't remember him forcing me, just 'guiding me' and I don't remember any threats. It's been eating at me for years now and I wish I could finally talk about it. It's traumatized my life, especially in the s** department. Even though I am happy and have a good husband and daughter, I still feel like I wont be resolved of my issues until I can properly deal with this. I can't keep hiding it away deep within me, I've been doing that for 7 years now.

Now that I am confronting it, I am trying to deal with it. All those around me are telling me to move on and forget about it. Although it wasn't a (what people know as a) brutal rape, it I still said no and he took that right away from me. I'm ashamed and embarrassed to talk about it because I don't think people will believe me or that they will brush it off like it was nothing. Five years ago i tried to tell my best friend and she shut me down because she didn't want to believe it was possible. How can I have a good life, but still not be resolved of my issues. Plus, it doesn't help that I looked him up and he isa happy newlywed. He doesn't know the pain he caused me.

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  • That experience will eat you up inside and drive you to insanity. You should just accept it, or you can trick yourself by saying that you yourself is a w**** and you looOOVE S**. Then VOILA! Instant None rape Victim!

  • You should see a counselor to help you liberate yourself from that violation. A trained and sensitive professional could help you get free and live the life you deserve. With that kind of help, I don't think it would take long to heal yourself.

  • You are experience the typical feelings of a rape victim. Typical but nonetheless painful and damaging. Yes, you were raped. Yes, you need to come to grips with it somehow and you need the support of your loved ones. It probably wasn't his only rape. You need to find a way of getting rid of any guilt you feel for his vile act. Good luck.

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