I was raped.
I was at a get together, and my cousins had gotten very drunk and weren't really paying attention to me after that... I was only 13 hanging out with Freshman - Seniors in college. I remember just sitting downstairs at the Frat house we were at only because it was quiet and no one was down there. Then, came two guys... guys I knew and didn't think anything of. They're football players for a major University in California. They knew I was alone, they knew I was young... but yet, they drugged me with something to drink and when I was barely incoherent they raped me. Both of them... I lost my virginity that night to two guys who meant NOTHING to me... absolutely nothing. It last almost an hour, thirty minutes each... I was so embarrassed and scared that after it all ended I just stayed downstairs... crying myself to sleep. I was awaken by my oldest cousin, and she had the smell of alcohol just oozing off of her. I was never so disgusted in my life. She knows what happened to me that day, both of them do. I could've said something about those two guys raping me, but I couldn't and I can't. They're very known around the University and how would I look... I have so much emotional damage from this. I mean, I won't even have s** with any guy until I know for sure he won't hurt me, I barely like being touched by a guy and I have some of the lowest self esteem. I just feel useless everytime I think about it, and how weak I was. I hate myself for not being stronger and saying anything about it to anyone except a few people.. not even my parents know, nor my brothers, or grandma... I won't ever tell them. I just wish it'd all go away. The sad thing about it, I still associate with the two guys, I saw them this summer... I'm pathetic I know.