Being a s*** just to be accepted
I'm a black 16yo girl. I'm pretty smart at school, but not smart in life I guess. I live in a high-mid class part of town where most people are white. I don't really have any problems at school or at home. I'm a straight A student and try to be a good person. But it's hard to feel different when most of the people you know look different and make you feel different.
I'm used to comments like "you're the first black person who comes to my house" and stuff like that. I know they don't mean it in a bad way, but it still hurts a little.
I didn't have much friends until last year because I decided to do things to become more popular. I started by giving away my homework and things like that. Then someone started inviting me out and after a few times we ended up having s**, but I think I did it more to not feel rejected and to keep being part of his group.
The same thing happened with another guy and then with another. They didn't really commit to anything, so I can't say they were my bf's. In about 14 months I've been with six guys and every time I end up feeling like they just wanted to see what it's like to f*ck a black girl.
Just a couple of days ago my current "bf" told me that his best friend wanted to do it with a black girl but he didn't really know any. He asked me if I wanted to be with him just for fun. His friend is cute, so I don't really mind. But I feel like a w**** having s** with people I don't really care for just to be accepted as part of their lives.
I think I'm popular now, but not for the right reasons. I know some of my "friends" like me because I'm the class s***.