I've had a bad addiction to s** since i was little

Oh man i never thought i would do this but *sigh* here i go...i don't know what started this whole addiction nightmare but i remember it started when i was young...when i was little i used to expose myself to girls at my school and sometimes expose them...it got worse me and my sister started messing around kissing and exposing ourselves to each other...funny thing is i remember when i was young i always thought p**** was disgusting after seeing it in movies my parents would randomly have on at night(not p*****) but once i saw and tasted my sisters i was hooked...me and my sister used to stay up late and just mostly do oral s**...even after awhile i got her to strip on camera and whenever we didn't get to mess around i had that video tape to satisfy me. clearly i had no idea what i was getting me and her into i mean i knew it was wrong because we were brother and sister but other than that i didn't understand the harm i was going to both of us...i became addicted like a crack head...next thing you know i found out my female cousin was showing her b**** to her cousin and she gladly showed me hers which was mind blowing at the time because she really looked good and i had a little bit of a crush on her...next thing you know we start doing a little oral...years later i have s** with her sister and we actually started "dating" or at least acting like a couple then i actually cheated on her with her younger sister! i was so addicted it was bad...after awhile of course my sister got older got bfs and never even wanted to talk about those times...now i'm in shock that i did those things and not that i'm out of a job its all i ever think about...i feel like s*** 24/7. i didn't rape any of them i guess you can say i sweet talked them into it but as i got older i felt horrible after like what did i just do?? now i'm in my 20s and i can't seem to just move on...i've deleted the tape of my sister actually burning one copy then i found the original and ripped the tape out and its been long gone but still i find myself wishing i could find it when i know its not there...2 years ago i used to watch my sister shower through the door...there was even a time when i used to smoke weed that i asked her if i could just see her p**** just for old times of course she said no and i kept txting her to taste it one more time as it never happened...me and her will never mess around again i know that but its like damn i guess the fact that she was my 1st time its hard as h*** to get over...i'm too embarrassed to go to a counselor or anything...i just want to move on and leave this all in the past...i've had gfs here and there but their sexual memories don't do me any justice...HELP

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  • Your shame is what is crippling you. You are allowed to forgive yourself. You are allowed to be forgiven.

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