I'm a stupid w**** and disgusted with myself.
I'm just a stupid w**** anymore. I really hate myself and am honestly insecrue. So I have slept with alot of guys that I don't even care about in the past few months.
I was lucky enough to settle down termporarily and try to fix other issues I have. During that time, I met my current boyfriend and fell inlove with him. But I am so impulsive, that I've cheated on him four times within the four months we've been dating.
After one week of dating him, I gave a guy head at a party. Then a few weeks later, I made out with another guy. Things got really bad, and I slept with another guy one months later, confessing to my boyfriend immediatley afterwards.
He forgave me for whatever reason. We both have alot of issues though, and I was trying to break up with him Saturday night. I got extremely drunk and slept with someone else- which is no excuse. I broke up with my boyfriend (the next morning), but he got down on his knees and was begging for me to take him back. I did, because I still do feel I love him. But I have not told him about the other night, and donnot think I will, because he has become so fragile; do to MY stupidity.
I am rotten. I am disgusting. I cringe when I think of the guys I've slept with- everyone aside from my boyfriend. I have a horrible problem with attention- whenever I'm around a guy who does so much as holds me, I just get infatuated with the fact that someone is giving me attention (this is, ofcourse, when my boyfriend is not around). So I make really dumb decisions.
I am worthless. A waste of space. I have broken my boyfriends heart, yet he still loves me and claims that desperately needs me, that he would kill himself without me. I feel like I cannot take this f****** life I've burried myself in. Because I'm just a stupid w****. I hate myself.