I'm f***** up so i'll cya in h***.

When i was younger a caregiver at the after school care i went to liked to kiss me and touch my privates. I don't think that's why i'm screwed up, that's just what my ex-friends say.

When I was about 12 i started hurting myself. like i cut my leg on purpose. it was just because i hate myself too much. i don't know why it helped it just did. wtf

it got kinda bad when i was 18 cause i confessed to my friends and they kept giving me advice but i got so confused. i didn't agree with any of their advice, so being the idiot i am i did the opposite of what they suggested. I cut deeper, more frequently and started getting drunk enough that i couldn't stand up. So no surprises they all ditched me.

that kinda made me straighten up for a good year or so. I almost never cut myself now. but i haven't stopped hurting myself. I've posted pictures of myself nude online and given 'shows' of myself to strangers jerking off. I met up with a guy i met online for s**. i knew him for like two days. it hurt so bad but i pretended i liked it (i didn't) . I make myself sick, i hate myself so much i don't know why i do this.

of course i can never tell my family. I'm 20. Holy f*** i'm weird. any advice? (seriously)

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  • Go ahead and kill yourself. The world needs less self-absorbed idiots. You will end up being an annoying hipster, or at best, an art teacher, Spare us all. If you don't need society, society does not need you. Oh, and hate to tell you...H*** dosen't exist.

  • dont be a f***** ass hole people like u is just wht make people mad. and h*** does exist u will soon find that out since ur headed there. and confesser i must say that is sad and u wont go to h*** maybe maybe not if you change completely not just for a year or so but forever u shouldnt just say " oh im goin to h*** oh well" no! u should try and stop that if god has let u live another day it means hes giving u a chance another chance to change ur life . u just have to change it for good. starting off by telling ur family. i mean if you can tell us random people on the internet u should not be afraid to tell ur family they will be there to support u and help u get better . it is important that why god let u have family. after u tell ur family u need to pray and let ur family pray for u.

  • u...is not a word. anyone using textspeak should kill themselves as well. And H*** does exist...it's in New Jersey.

  • shut the f*** up and dont try to correct me. no one likes smart a**** ok?

  • As harsh as it sounds, seek professional help. I'm a self harmer and ex bulimic, it won't get better by itself. And i know family is a major drag but maybe opening up and dumping this weight on someone's shoulders could ease the sadness and self hatred. Take care of yourself hun x

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