Oral s** with best friend (and roommate)

I feel a lot of things right now. For one, I'm disappointed in myself (I think). I'm in college and rooming with my best friend. His name is Josh. I've known him for 11 years and we've always gotten along really well (yes, I'm male). Anyway, I made a mistake the other day that I'm really struggling with. We were drinking some beers, I got really drunk after about 6 or 7 of them. Someone came over, someone he knows but hasn't for very long. Anyway, after about five minutes he pulled out some cocaine.

I'd never done cocaine before. It cleared up the drunken haze I was feeling. We all did it, but I seemed to like it the most (or it's possible I just had the hardest time controlling my enthusiasm). The guy who brought it over left after about an hour, and then it was just the two of us. We got to talking about a lot of different things, and eventually the conversation turned to s**. Josh has a girlfriend (has never had a hard time with girls) and is definitely an attractive guy. I don't have a girlfriend and have struggled with this for years. It's not that I'm not attractive (I'm not Brad Pitt) but I'm surely more shy than he is. I've only had a few girlfriends in my life, and it's been a long time since the last one.

Anyway, I don't really know how else to say this other than to say it: the coke made me really h****. I don't know how it happened (God, I'm so ashamed), but before long I started asking him a lot of personal questions about how often he had s**, who he had it with, if he got a lot of blow jobs, for one. Then he asked me, "Why, you wanna give me one or something?" Before I knew what I was doing, impulsively, I told him I would. He said, "Whoa, I was just kidding dude!" but somehow, a minute or so later I was undoing his belt. And I did it.

The whole thing lasted about five minutes. Neither one of us is gay. But for whatever reason, he let me go through with the act. I finished it (meaning I brought him to o*****). Since then he hasn't said a word to me. After he came, he basically disappeared, and every time I've seen him since he's had a cold look on his face, not a word. What did I do so wrong? I mean, I know I performed oral s** on another man, but that's not immoral. I'm not gay, but I guess the fact that I broke my own "rule book" (if that makes sense) by doing this extreme thing is really bothering me. Also, I made a really stupid choice indulging in that drug; if I hadn't done that, none of this would have happened.

What do I do now? Should I try to talk to him? Should I leave it for time to heal? I'm just at a loss, and really down on myself. Things are different between us now, and there's no going back in time to fix this. Have I ruined our friendship? Oh God, I feel terrible. I guess it's only natural, considering how stupid I was. If anyone has any advice, I'd be so grateful. Thanks for reading this.


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  • You didn't do anything wrong. I don't know why he'd be so standoffish like you're describing either...I'm sure he didn't mind when you had him in your mouth. Like I'm sure it was 'oh so painful for him!". S***, you even let him come in your mouth and you swallowed his nut; he ought to be loving you for that. Sounds to me like he's got his priorities askew; he's confused. Don't let his coldness get you down. Next time you see him you might try just saying something like, "So cause I sucked your d*** you're not gonna talk to me anymore?". If I were you I'd probably try to get him to suck you off. It's the least he could do. But I don't know. I hope it doesn't ruin your friendship. Good luck.

  • talk to him, confront him on it, say that you are sorry, that you totally don't want to do it again, explain how you feel, you won't tell anyone, ever and it was purely because of the cocaine. you were not yourself. it was his friend who brought it and you just went along with it while you shouldn't have. just giving it more time probably won't change it. talking to him will. but make sure you talk to him when you're both in a 'comfortable' place and when you know he has some time, like he doesn't have to leave in 5 minutes or so.

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