Loneliness sucks

It really sucks to be surrounded by romantic love and to have never experienced it for myself.
My sister came down to visit with her boyfriend (they've been together for over a year now). They always look so happy and in love, holding hands, cuddling, sitting beside a tree all afternoon, doing favors for one another. They're like the happiest couple.

And though I'm happy for them, I can't help but feel stand-offish near them. Truth is, I'm an 18-year old girl who has yet to have experienced love myself. I've never even kissed a boy, or held a boy's hands. I've loved people, but never romantically, and even if I've crushed on others, the feelings were never reciprocal.

My sister and friends always just tell me I'm better off never having been hurt and that I'll find the perfect guy some day, but they don't understand how horrible it is to be me. I'd prefer to be hurt than to be alone. Loneliness is one of the most horrible feelings in the world. At least when they're feeling low, they can remember a time when someone held them close and listened to them and loved them. I can't. I can just imagine. I can just dream.

And dreaming for 18 years isn't enough. I figure I'll find the "perfect guy" in college, but it hurts so much to wait.

I'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there like me?

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  • When I was your age I wanted so badly to have a girlfriend (I'm a guy by the way). Finally a girl who I didn't really like that much showed me attention and actually asked me out. I was estatic. I finally thought I was normal just because I had a girlfriend. I did everything I could to try to be romantic and thought I really was loved back. Turns out she was just using me and was seriously insane. After that relationship I did find someone better but still not "the one". I'm still looking. Still hoping.

    Moral of the story-there ARE worse things than being alone. You can be with someone who uses you, humiliates you and makes you feel even worse about yourself than you really do. A friend of mine ended up married to a witch from h*** just for the same reason. He got dumped and thankfully divorced.

    You should be proud of yourself that you respect yourself enough to not be with just anyone. That you are willing to wait for the right person. If you keep looking the right person will come along. Yes, many people have their first relationships in college. Trust your instincts. Know that you're not alone. And even though you may feel lonely there are people out there REALLY alone without a sister or family or anyone. Good luck.

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