It really sucks to be surrounded by romantic love and to have never experienced it for myself.
My sister came down to visit with her boyfriend (they've been together for over a year now). They always look so happy and in love, holding hands, cuddling, sitting beside a tree all afternoon, doing favors for one another. They're like the happiest couple.
And though I'm happy for them, I can't help but feel stand-offish near them. Truth is, I'm an 18-year old girl who has yet to have experienced love myself. I've never even kissed a boy, or held a boy's hands. I've loved people, but never romantically, and even if I've crushed on others, the feelings were never reciprocal.
My sister and friends always just tell me I'm better off never having been hurt and that I'll find the perfect guy some day, but they don't understand how horrible it is to be me. I'd prefer to be hurt than to be alone. Loneliness is one of the most horrible feelings in the world. At least when they're feeling low, they can remember a time when someone held them close and listened to them and loved them. I can't. I can just imagine. I can just dream.
And dreaming for 18 years isn't enough. I figure I'll find the "perfect guy" in college, but it hurts so much to wait.
I'm just wondering if there's anyone else out there like me?