I am depressed, sad, f***** up, feel like s***.

I am having a bad day. I am so tired of seeing people do so well and posting it on Facebook. I get jealous because people do well. One person in particular who I've known since childhood and has "won" at life.

While I have lost everything. Lost a father to ALS when I was 14. Lost a marriage and a house and children when I was 36. Living in my girlfriend's ex-husband's house. My credit is f***** up and I can't get a credit card.

I work out (run, lift weights, do pull-ups) but I am constantly sore. I am still fat and weigh 225 pounds even though if I push myself hard I can d 10 pull-ups. My friend can do 40 pull-ups and is a piece of solid rock. He can f*** his wife for hours. He has a everything, a great house, great marriage, successful children, successful business, and is a physical beast (athletic).

I am rambling, yes I know. But I ramble, I can't put my thought together. I start one story and run off on tangents. It's just the way I am. I have trouble staying on track.

I clean my girlfriend's house but her 3 year old daughter and our 4 cats f*** the house up all the time. I wake up every morning and find cat vomit on the floor. The fur and dander from the cats cause us Asthma problems. I hate those f****** cats. I want to take them to the Animal Shelter but she doesn't let me. My girlfriend is an animal lover, she has guilt and she starts to cry at the thought that those stupid cats would be euthanized. Maybe I should be euthanized. Tired of this life.

My girlfriend is the best thing in my life besides her f****** cats (her kids are a pain in the f****** ass too but there's nothing I can do about that). She has helped me and I am thankful for that at least. We f*** everyday and she tells me I have a big c***, (I know she's lying, my c*** is small) and she comes a lot when we have s**. I know she comes because I can feel it. Her p**** contracts and she squirts. So I know at least my little d*** pleasures her. I guess my little c*** massages her p**** walls and her c*** and she comes a lot.

Anyway, I want to be an athlete but every time I push myself hard I get aches and pains. Then I have to stop and can't work out for a while, and I lose what little progress I made. I am still fat. I weigh 225 pounds. I have hurt my nck, back, leg, elbow, and foot working out (running, push-ups, pull-ups, etc.) I hate my non-athletic body. I can't lose weight.

I'm seeing a chiropractor who promises me that after 3 months of adjustments I will be totally pain-free and have a straight spine and neck. He says that my body will heal itself after self-adjustment and my Asthma and chronic pain will go away, and that I will naturally slim down. OK, I'll believe that when I see it.

I work with f****** morons at my job. I have them all. They are the worst, most disorganized bunch of a******* in the world. I wish them all dead. I hate my boss, a rich f****** a****** who has everything a man could ever dream of. A gorgeous, multi-million dollar condo-mansion by the beach, and more money in the bank than he knows what to do with, but guess what, he is still a douche.

Anyway, all I see is people with more than me. I had a chance at my dream (house, car, kids, nice s***) and lost it all (married a f****** crazy a****** b****) and now I'm f***** economically, emotionally and physically.

I practice Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, for those who don't know it's a martial art that involves wrestling and grappling, chokes, and s*** like that. Google it. Anyway I still suck at it because I can't physically keep up with everyone else because my body just sucks. And I can't wrap my head around the techniques; it is just very difficult to master. So many subtile things and techniques that frustrate the f*** out of me.

I feel cheated by my genetics. I just don't seem to measure up in any one area, in any discipline. I suck as an athlete. I and just a disaster managing things; can't even manage my own life, and emotionally I am a wreck. I just get down on everything and I am always depressed. It just sucks.

I am stuck raising my 2 kids from my failed marriage, have to e a mom and a dad, want to do all these other things, hate my job. I am just right now in a haze; so many thoughts in my head I can't shut anything out.

I just feel like I am mediocre in everything and I have a failed life, I don't even have a home (all my friends have homes). I am just failing at life; my family sucks, my brothers, sister and mother don't give a s***, everyone has their own f****** problems/and/or great life on Facebook. Tired of seeing happy people.

Doubt that anyone has gotten this far in my message to even give a f***. I feel like everyone around me has an awesome life and I don't. What a failure. If I wasn't such a coward I would just kill myself. (I can't even kill myself... I am afraid of the pain of dying. I am afraid of suffocation and afraid of pay). What a f****** p**** I am.

Now I have to get back to work on this stupid f****** Powerpoint. Bored to tears at my job. F****** BORED to TEARS.

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  • Ill just be direct with you. Your life sounds like it sucks AT THE MOMENT, but bust your f****** ass and tackle that s*** one at a time. If the only thing your gf is doing is f****** you and no supporing you in any other way then time to find a new gf. She should clean her own f****** house instead of making you do it. You are not married to her her pets and kid are not your responsibility. Focus on yourself first. Do your chiropractic stuff, get your ass to the gym and work out more, and if you cant lose weight consider changing your diet. If you are hurting yourself as much as you are then slow the h*** down and get a damn trainer, cause obviously you are not doing something right. Hate your job? if possible find something you want to ACTUALLY do, find out what you need to get there and gradually work for it. Life is not hard man, but the world dont owe you s***, so you gotta get to where you want to go. No one out there is stopping you except you, stop making this "my genetic excuses' and s***. YOU have the power to change it and only YOU can change it. Everyone has the power to be who they want to be, and yes granted that some ppl got dealt a shittier hand then others. But so f****** what, that was the hand you were delt, and what will really define you as a person is not where you start, its where you end. Im depressed too, and you know what i realized? no one gives a f***. And no one is gonna solve that for you. So grow a pair and change your life man. You are the only one who can.

    Im not trying to be an a****** but im not gonna waste my time creating this little sugar coated 'it will be ok' letter to you. Just get s*** done. You can do it man.

  • You need to turn your frown upside down. Heard that before? We all get that life is tough sometimes. And some problems seem a whole lot worse then others. Or you just can't see the bright side because you're so bogged down in what's wrong. But you are concentrating too h****** what you DON'T have, and not what you DO have. Happiness isn't attained by having lots of money. Sure, money can help with somethings, but it comes at a price. Big mortgages and big expenses come with a big house. That's not fun. And that involves working even longer hours with a lot more a*******.

    Have you ever considered that you are where you need to be right now. Too new agey? You had to go through everything to get to where you are. You have a girlfriend who you love and who loves you. You have two children, and 4 cats. Look into an air purifier to help with the cat dander. Life is good. Some people would kill for a fraction of that.

    Your weight seems to be an issue for you. Keep on going to the gym, maybe hire a trainer? Or change things up and join a pick up game of basketball or softball. Start swimming or biking. Maybe see a nutritionist..maybe they can see something in your eating patterns that can be tweaked. You don't have to be a pro at everything, but maybe just settle for enjoying what you're doing.

    Most importantly - stop comparing yourself to your friends..who cares. They have their own problems. You are fabulous just the way you are. Your girlfriend isn't complaining.

    Your job..put out the feelers and see if there's something else out there. And while you're looking, make your life outside of your job happy. Plan things outside of the job so you have things to look forward to. Plan date nights with your girlfriend, family nights with the kids, go camping etc..

    Lastly, go and speak to a therapist. Sounds like you still have lots of anger over your divorce. It's time work through it and begin heal. Best of luck to you.

  • There are people much worse off than you...

  • How long ago was this posted, can you give us an update on your crappy life. I hope your doing better.

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