I'm in l*** with a married man

I'm in my late 20's and unmarried. I've never really been serious with anyone. About a year ago I met this married guy at my workplace. I instantly felt attracted to him but it wasn't anything earth shattering. But then he started to flirt with me and things started to get kind of serious. At first I was avoiding him like h*** but nothing seemed to work. He wouldn't leave me alone. My attraction to him started deepening into l***. I felt a bit relived when there was talk of him getting another job. But he didn't get that job and things got even worse! Now he calls me all the time, e-mails me, asks me out for coffee and now it seems like he is trying to spend every moment we're at the office together with me! For the record, I've never gone out with him, not even for coffee. I know he's just trying to get me to sleep with him. If anyone else was doing this I'd report him for sexual harassment but the truth is I feel horribly attracted to him! I've been trying to change my job just to get away from him but getting another job is proving to be difficult. I keep wishing he would go away! I keep saying 'No' to everything he says but he knows that my 'No' is not really a 'No'.I'm afraid if this goes on for much longer I'd probably give into my l***. I don't want to do that. I don't want to become 'that' woman. I feel so depressed! I feel like I've lost control of my life.


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  • I'm sorry this is happening to you. I really am, and I hope it resolves quickly, either by distance or demand.

    It certainly sounds to me like you want "no" to mean "no", both to you and to the man, and nowhere do you suggest that what you feel for him is anything other than physical: no emotion, no romance, no spark of anything more than mere heat. If that's the case, then you need to recognize, and admit to yourself, that you can find that same physical reaction -- or create it -- anywhere in the world: there's nothing unique to this man in that regard. And if so, then what you need to do is to tell your crotch to ignore the impulses coursing through it, and tell the man, "I'm really very sorry, but I'm not interested in complicating my life by becoming your 'other woman', so let's not play make-believe; let's just be grownups who work together and not f***-buddies who have to lie to spend time together." And you need to mean it, and do it.

    Best wishes.

  • Thanks for your kind comment! This certainly helps when I can't share my innermost thoughts with anyone. It feels so lonely!

    I am surprised at myself for even feeling this way about this particular guy. Of course, I have had feelings of l*** before. But how can I continue to be attracted to a guy who told me that sometimes when he is with his wife he imagines that he is with me? That's just wrong!

    I need to try harder to get away from this situation. I need to get a grip on myself.

    Once again thank you!

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