I gave a stranger a b******* for money
I have to say this, is killing me inside. About 6 months ago, I was living in another country. At first, my family sent me some money and I was working, but soon before I had to go I ran out of money and lost my job. I could have asked my family for more money but I didn't wanted to seem like a loser and a failure so my pride prevented me from doing it. Also, I was very depressed because I had just found out that the guy I was dating was married and with a kid (she actually called me to tell me that!!) and I felt like such a w**** and a home wrecker. Even though it wasn't my fault, I felt really guilty.
So anyway, there I was feeling very depressed, in a country that I didn't know the language very well, didn't have many friends and didn't have a work visa and I saw an ad of a guy that wanted some "company". I already felt like a w****, so I thought, why not. We started e-mailing and we agreed on a b****** for $100 dollars. I went over to his house and did it. He was geeky and treated me with as much respect as he could given the situation but I was feeling sick the whole time. He asked me to swallow and I almost threw up. I felt like I was watching myself in a dream, I couldn't believe that was me doing that.I still feel like is a dream that I did it. When it all ended, I felt so nauseated and numb. He was actually very kind and kept emailing me to be friends and "hang out", but I told him I felt very bad about it all and wasn't interested.
I haven't told anybody and I don't think I ever will. I'm still not sure why I did it and it makes me feel like s***, but it was good to get it out of my chest.