My life is bullshit and lies no matter what.
I pretty much realised today, that i have no friends whatsoever. I'm from oklahoma and when i lived their i had plenty of friends...even a crush who (if i hadnt have moved) would probably be my boyfriend today [ashton] but after the first grade i moved to texas...this is when things go down hill... I was called fat (i did gymnastics back in oklahoma) i never understood how i was fat but in the third grade is when i would get called ugly fat etc. i hated life and everyone in it after the fourth grade is when i got anger problems. After being made fun of anger built up and i became the person who brought other people down...5th grade nobody liked me...i tried being nice, i cant be accepted. I liked a boy named austin. He "liked" me back... What a mistake that was....i am starting to hate him now but i will get onto that later... I feel unaccepted by society; an outcast. But i like being different though. I try to stay away from conflict but i seem to cause it. (Most) my friends dont act like true friends... I dont want to go into detail. 7th grade i cut myself... My scars went away though. At the time my mom is the reson for the cutting she 'verbaly abuses me' and i couldnt take it anymore. During last school year, maybe the last 2-3 months i started to starve myself. I got called fat held in emotions i didnt want to hold anymore...over that summer i starved and wroked out at the same time (lost 20 pounds) gained back 2-3. I wanted to end my life this summer also, my cousin...i cant syand her...she ruined my life. She is an adopted, b*** deformed, brat. I break down every once in awhile... This is where austin comes in. He says he is my best friend and thatbi can tell him anything....i do and what do i get "k" it makes me upset that he chooses not to listen. He got another bestfriend...you could say im jealous.... Austin and i never hangout but when it comesmto bailey and katherine "when and where" blah blah blah.... I am going to starve myself again...i way 121 now i used to weigh 117-18 and im 13...gahhh. Cant wait util its over though, but...i can wait i always wait.