F*** you, B.H.
It's been almost a year since you dumped me. Yet the week or so before it happened, you were telling me I could be the one person you imagined you could spend eternity with. Therefore, I stopped believing any word you've said, after that day- oh, and well before it, too. Just in case you think my eyes were totally closed- they weren't. I should have dumped YOUR ass MONTHS before you ended things, but I still liked and needed you too much. I didn't go with my gut instincts and that was a huge mistake. Meanwhile, I still think about you at some point, every f****** day- but more time will eventually cure that frequency. Bitterly, I have to acknowledge that I bet you don't think about me at all. It seems you moved on easily. Ah, the resilience of youth. Yet you hurt me deeply for all eternity and you'll never really have a clue about it or why. You are one of the most challenging, fascinating but exhausting and exasperating people I've ever met. You never really understood why I liked you, wanted you, and needed you. Sometimes nowadays, I wish I could tell you to f*** off and die. But I know that after the way you've left things, I simply cannot say another word to you or my pride will feel stabbed right through. I guess you'll just be happy about my silence, though- that's how you want it, you ousted me from your life. I know unquestionably that after everything we went through, the exasperating and soul-killing end result is that you hate me. You hate me, you hate having wanted or needed me, and that you retroactively don't believe a word I said or any feelings I had for you were real i.e. you just feel used. And, after all, isn't that how you always feel in the end, with everyone ? Used. I hate myself for having stuck around and for trying to get you to believe anything different than what you WANT to think- you are a lost cause for believing in anything good or other than what you want to believe. I learned a whole lot about myself, people, men, love, l*** and life from you. I guess that's good. But I really HATE some of the cruel lessons that you crushed my soul with. But on the bright side, I'm tougher than you and always will be. I WILL survive this s***. In the big picture, you were only a small part of my entire life.