The man that I'm in a relationship with now is everything I could possibly have dreamed of wanting. He makes me very happy and I love him more than I've ever loved anyone before. We plan on getting married.
But, there's one problem: One day, I showed him the results I got back from the doctor after I got tested for stds and pregnancy before I got my birth control shot, which was right before we hooked up. I tested clean and very much not pregnant.
He wouldn't sleep with me after that unless I really tried hard to get him to because he said he wanted to get tested to make sure he was clean too. We're both certain that he's clean, but he's a very paranoid person. He does it because he loves me.
One day, he also wouldn't sleep with me because he said I'm not 18 and he's had legal problems with girls that way and it worries him.
We had already had s** after both of these things happening. Quite a few times. I understand, but now, we have some problems. We've been together for probably six months or something now and everything has been perfectly fine.
The 18 thing really p***** me off and he only slept with me after that because he knew I was p*****. We had already slept together before and for him to make a remark about my age out of the blue like that for no reason really aggravates me. Especially about s**.
The doc thing speaks for itself, but I'm just so angry at him deep inside. I have never had a guy reject s** from me.
I have an extremely high self esteem because typical guys around me are usually attracted to me. I've been with two other guys and I'm very good at keeping my legs closed. But, he brought out the sexual desires in me and he isn't satisfying them. I'd really just like to f*** all day and it drives me absolutely, infuriatingly nuts that he isn't playing his part right. Deep inside, when he pulls that s***, I contemplate cheat on him. All I'd have to do is step down the road or send one text and there are plenty of men that would be happy to oblige.
I really want to, honestly, but I won't cheat on him. I love him way too strongly to ever do that. But, it damn sure bothers me that be won't do the job right.
What bothers me even more is the fact that it really lowers my self esteem. Before I was with him, I hung out with people a lot and I got plenty of attention. Now, I'm getting no attention because I stopped doing that due to my moral obligation as his girl. It really really makes me feel insignificant when he does that and he's the only guy I truly want to be with and it deeply hurts me. Maybe that's another reason I feel like cheating. He doesn't know how bad that feels... I don't want to hurt him and I hate that deep down, my sexual frustration with him makes me sort of want to,
I just don't know how to fix that...