Ashamed of having s**...

Whenever I have s** with my boyfriend, I feel so ashamed and I'm scared to "let loose" and enjoy it, if you know what I mean. I pretty much just lay there, close my eyes, and let him do his thing because I'm so embarrassed. It does feel good, but I feel so ashamed and guilty. I can't even o***** because I'm so tense and nervous. We've been going out for a year and he's the only guy I've ever had s** with. Help...?

May 20, 2013

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  • Maybe your gay. Or maybe he isn't the right one for you. I'm gay and when i had s** with men it felt like my flesh was going to crawl off my bones, and i felt very insecure.

  • Some of this just sounds like being young and not feeling secure with your body. There's more to s** than just the physical act. There is an emotional component and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and communicate with your partner what you're feeling and what you like may improve the experience. Maybe you and your boyfriend can concentrate on other areas that would increase the intimacy between the two of you. You have nothing to be ashamed, embarrassed or feel guilty about. Just tell yourself, you deserve to feel pleasure and when you're more comfortable you will be able to let go.

  • Lots of women feel this way. Have you considered bondage or roleplaying a rape scenario? One of the benefits of being 'forced' is it removes your sense of responsibility. Even if you wanted to you couldn't stop it, which some women find gives them permission to enjoy it. (Be sure to have a safeword though, just in case.) Another benefit is you can cut loose emotionally... struggle, scream, cry... without worrying it's going to throw him off. (On the contrary, it'll probably turn him on.) Having that emotional outlet can be very therapeutic. Good luck!

  • Lighten up, seriously. There's nothing wrong with having s**. It's meant to be enjoyed. Maybe go to a s** therapist, because it's not healthy.

  • The problem almost surely arises from one of two places: either you were raised to think of extramarital s** as sinful or shameful (or needlessly risky) or you've had a bad experience with s** (family abuse, rape or bad relationships). In either event, you should go and visit a professional and discuss with her (preferably, a woman, since you are one) what you think about when you think about s**. I, certain she can get you on the right track, thought-wise, without your having to spend an exorbitant amount on fees. Good luck!

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