I'm f****** miserable

I am so tired of the bullshit that is my marriage. Right now, my wife is sitting here sawing a redwood into my ear while I sit here and stew about how I think marrying her may have been a mistake.

We have serious intimacy issues. When we married, my wife was curvy and active l, around 155 in a 5'6" frame. Since we have gotten married, she has gained 50 pounds (which she chooses to blame the state of Mississippi and her Birth Control for). She does not wear this additional weight well. On top of that, she is now incredibly lathargic in everything she does. Despite the extra lard, I am seriously turned off by the lack of enthusiasm for any type of activity that doesn't involve food. I mean, it's hard to become sexually aroused with her. I have tried for the past three years to "be supportive in her struggle" but I am seriously f****** disgusted and fed up. My wife has expressed that she needs me to be more sexually interested in her, and to date, I can count 17 times when I have been sexually advancing towards her for them to be seined with "I'm tired" or "I just want you to hold me". Now this is out of maybe 20 occasions (our marriage counselor suggested tracking them so I could determine whether I was rational or not), so I don't like the back and forth bullshit. All this continues to do is make me less attracted to her physically and resent the person she has become.

I am ashamed of myself. I don't know how to tell her how I feel without breaking things as well as accepting the fact that I could have made a terrible mistake.

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  • Better you than me. Glad I am still single.

  • Option 1) Leaver her and find someone who is right for you. Neither of you are happy and you deserve to be as long as what makes you happy is morally acceptable.

    Option 2) You take control of the food, cooking and therefor how much goes into her body. Make any effort seem fun or something, dance with her in the house and when you both have more confidence then take her to classes or something (just a random idea)

    Option 3) Tell her that your finding it hard and if she loves you more than cake then she will try to find a way of getting to a happy medium

    Option 4) Both of you get fat, depressed and die full of resent and regret.

    obviously there are more options but these are the clear ones to me.
    Life is what you make of it, its not a production. Decide what you want then do it.

  • Birth control really does make you gain weight, she's not lying about that. But honestly, if you can't find someone sexually attractive over a certain weight... idk. I guess it's preference to a point, but then again I like my women somewhat plush so it's hard for me to say. Either way I really think you two could use couples counseling, it seems to me that you have communication problems. Don't take that the wrong way, I really think you would benefit from seeing someone. There's nothing wrong with that.

  • Addendum: just read you already are in counseling. Idk what to say, dude. Maybe it is for the better if the two of you mutually break it off if you truly can't communicate. :[

  • Let me tell you something. This is your life. It is not a dress rehearsal. You deserve to be happy. You are not going to be happy with this woman, and you cannot help her. Do yourself a favor and admit to her that it is not working. That you have to leave to save your own sanity. Then do it - move out. Help her financially as best you can; be generous to her when you split whatever you have to split - you will feel better about yourself for it. But you need to find someone else. And I would advise her to do the same if she were in your shoes. She is the only one that can help herself.

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