Rape and a ruined friendship
I'm 17 now but when I was 14 I think I may have been raped... I've never told anyone because I was really embarrassed about it. Ok so basically I was with my best friend at the time. He was 14 as well. It was the summer holidays and we'd gone for a walk (I live in the countryside where there are loads of woods everywhere).
We started off walking along the main path but as usual we decided to explore. We went off the path and deeper into the woods. We stopped to eat. After we finished we just sat there talking. Then he started getting close to me and put his arm around me. I didn't really notice it then but now thinking back I was such an idiot not to notice the signs. His other hand had slipped onto my thigh and finally I noticed something wrong. After rubbing my leg up and down I remember him telling me that he wanted to see my body to which I told him no and tried to get up but he held me there. I remember panicking but I didn't move. I wish I had just run away. After this move he started pulling my clothes off. I struggled then but he threatened me and my family so I stopped. His hands ran over my body and my private parts... I was so ashamed... I remember getting a tingling feeling down below... I'm such a s*** and an idiot but I have to confess to someone. He felt me up, licked all over and then raped me. I was just thankful he didn't shoot inside me. Afterwards he warned me if I told anyone he'd kill
me. Now I never want to have s** with anyone. I feel repulsed by anyone who touches me. I can't carry on living like this. He's carried on using me in this way. Each time it gets more humiliating because he gets me to dress up in tight clothes and sticks horrible things inside me. I don't know what to do!? Please I need help badly. I can't tell my family though. Please... Any advice?