Friend was date raped while black out drunk

My friend was date raped. She drank so much she blacked out. She said she had no intention of having s**, but she woke up the next day to find that the guy she was dating had unprotected s** with her when she was black out drunk. She doesn't remember anything that happened other than drinking that night, then she blacked out. The next thing she remembers is waking up the next day sore. I told her that if she was that drunk, she was too drunk to consent to s** and that guy was a creep for taking advantage of her when she was drunk because she wouldn't let him when she was sober. I told her to get checked out for STDs and have a rape kit done. She never got checked out. She didn't take the morning after pill. He, of course, didn't confess to raping her. She said she didn't want to think about it. She didn't seem to be acting herself and something was off. She was behaving like she is trying to convince herself that she just did something stupid and had a one night stand, but my friend seemed different, like something was really bothering her that she wouldn't or couldn't face. She told me that she hadn't had s** with that guy before that night and hasn't since. She thought she wouldn't get pregnant since it was just one time. Unfortunately, a few weeks later she missed her period, and found out that she is pregnant from that rape. I tried to get her to report what happened, but she got a scared look, and said she doesn't want to think about that night. I told her she has to think about it because she either has to abort that rapist's baby or prepare to be a mother, because the consequence of that rape is arriving whether she wants to think about it or not. I can't seem to get through to her. I told her that if he did that to her with no remorse, he is going to hurt other women the same way. Any ideas on how to get through to her?

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  • I had a friend that happened to as well. She blamed herself for what happened because she was drinking to try and drown another problem. She blacked out too and ended up getting date raped when she was blacked out. She was in denial about it for a long time. The rape was the only time the guy was able to get to her sexually and he didn't wear any protection when he raped her. She got pregnant from that, but tried to make the best of it. The guy kept trying to pressure her and she saw what a creep he was, but not till after she had the baby he raped into hee. He left her to raise the child alone. You need to get through to your friend no matter what and make sure she comes to terms that she was raped and don't have the rapist's baby. Press charges so he doesn't wait till another lady has blacked out or passed out and can't give consent and do the same thing to her. If she doesn't remember drinking very much, but feeling wasted, then her date might have spiked her drink with something to make sure she couldn't fight back and wouldn't say no.

  • All very good advice here. Just support her, that is all you can do and all that you are doing. You are a good friend. You can always offer to make appointments, drive her wherever, hold her hand but if she doesn't want to talk or deal, you can't force her. She is in denial. No one is going to judge her harder than what she is doing now. Not saying anyone is judging her, just that we are always hardest on ourselves. Let her know (again) that you're on her side. She doesn't want to press charges, fine. But the pregnancy needs to be dealt with. It's no longer just about her. I may ask her what she would tell you if the roles were reversed..but think the best way is to not tell her what to do.

  • Agree with the person that said there's more to this story.

    My guess is she consented, had s**, and then regretted it. If she's pregnant she doesn't want to blame herself and it's easy to blame him.

    Another option is that she possibly consented, had s**, and didn't remember it in the am. I know lots of married people who do this.. the wife has a great time, then wakes up in the morning and barely remembers it (or doesn't remember at all).

    She may have consented, then they made out for 1/2 hr while all of the booze kept kicking in, then they had s**. She woke up in the morning saying "hey I got date raped"

    Not saying that is what happened but it's a possibility.

  • You putting pressure on her.let her sole her issues at her own pace. You make her abort and she will hate you,let whatever she does be her own idea,choice,decision and not someone else's. Just be a friend and be supportive.The guy may be a rapist to you but her baby's daddy to her.Sit and think what you are doing,not what she needs to do or is not doing.

  • I think there's something about that night that she isn't telling you because it doesn't support her story. I can't guess at what it might be, but I can tell you that her behavior suggests something less than total candor.

  • Tell her to break up with the guy and call the police. Next time stay sober at a damn party.

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