Friend was date raped while black out drunk

My friend was date raped. She drank so much she blacked out. She said she had no intention of having s**, but she woke up the next day to find that the guy she was dating had unprotected s** with her when she was black out drunk. She doesn't remember anything that happened other than drinking that night, then she blacked out. The next thing she remembers is waking up the next day sore. I told her that if she was that drunk, she was too drunk to consent to s** and that guy was a creep for taking advantage of her when she was drunk because she wouldn't let him when she was sober. I told her to get checked out for STDs and have a rape kit done. She never got checked out. She didn't take the morning after pill. He, of course, didn't confess to raping her. She said she didn't want to think about it. She didn't seem to be acting herself and something was off. She was behaving like she is trying to convince herself that she just did something stupid and had a one night stand, but my friend seemed different, like something was really bothering her that she wouldn't or couldn't face. She told me that she hadn't had s** with that guy before that night and hasn't since. She thought she wouldn't get pregnant since it was just one time. Unfortunately, a few weeks later she missed her period, and found out that she is pregnant from that rape. I tried to get her to report what happened, but she got a scared look, and said she doesn't want to think about that night. I told her she has to think about it because she either has to abort that rapist's baby or prepare to be a mother, because the consequence of that rape is arriving whether she wants to think about it or not. I can't seem to get through to her. I told her that if he did that to her with no remorse, he is going to hurt other women the same way. Any ideas on how to get through to her?

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15 Comments

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  • Date rape is when the guy drugs the girl. Your friend got herself drunk, and the guy might mot know wasn't siber enough for proper concent. Sounds like she got. H**** when drunk and f***** the best avail d***. Don't feel bad. She's irresponsible.

  • Nope. You are completely wrong about this. Date rape is when one partner does not consent to s** but their body is used sexually, anyway. It's like saying it's okay for your friend to go into your wallet and take all of your money when you're drunk because...well...you were drunk! You were asking for it.

  • You assume he raped her. Did you even consider that maybe he was too drunk to consent too? What happens when both parties are s***-faced drunk and neither are sober enough to provide clear consent? Maybe this friend just doesn't want to admit that he did consent and is too embarrassed by her own bad choice. Women aren't helpless.

  • This happens to men too. I was at a party when a guy passed out on a couch and had I not been there he would have been orally raped.

  • Everyone needs to watch out. Heard a story about a guy who went to a costume party dressed as a girl. Costume was a cheerleader or something like that with a shorter skirt and went all out with hair/wig, makeup, shaving and ended up having way too much to drink. Sometime later after he passed out in a room, some crazy s*** happened. He woke up with a hangover and very sore ass. The costume must have been convincing or convincing enough with alcohol involved, because he got ass raped. The rapist maybe thought he was ass f****** a passed out girl, or was gay, or just didn't care.

    His rapist also had a STD. Wasn't HIV, but was something that stays with you for life, so assuming that meant it was herpes or warts?

    There are sick f**** out there looking for victims, never drink more than you can handle. When you pass out, crazy s*** happens.

  • I had a friend that happened to as well. She blamed herself for what happened because she was drinking to try and drown another problem. She blacked out too and ended up getting date raped when she was blacked out. She was in denial about it for a long time. The rape was the only time the guy was able to get to her sexually and he didn't wear any protection when he raped her. She got pregnant from that, but tried to make the best of it. The guy kept trying to pressure her and she saw what a creep he was, but not till after she had the baby he raped into hee. He left her to raise the child alone. You need to get through to your friend no matter what and make sure she comes to terms that she was raped and don't have the rapist's baby. Press charges so he doesn't wait till another lady has blacked out or passed out and can't give consent and do the same thing to her. If she doesn't remember drinking very much, but feeling wasted, then her date might have spiked her drink with something to make sure she couldn't fight back and wouldn't say no.

  • Sadly too many stories like that. A relative had a friend, close like a sister.

    Nice girl, very pretty. Had recently gotten married, but was pregnant unplanned. Wasn't on the pill, always used condoms, and assumed failure. Planned on marriage, big family, but the pregnancy moved up the date, so happy and in love.

    Joy turned to sorrow. The baby was born, but not her husband's. Both white and shocked - black baby. Complications with the pregnancy and birth, was told may be the only child she may ever have.

    Never cheated. No interest in black men. She had been raped. No STIs though.

    Talked adoption, not raising a rapist's baby, but she had bonded with the baby while pregnant thinking it was her husband's, half her, and maybe the only baby she could ever have, so she didn't give it up.

    How? When? How could you not realize? Months before, she had gone to a party at a friend's place. Friends invited more friends, other people started coming in. She had a few drinks, felt tired, and found a room to lay down and locked the door. She woke up with a terrible headache. She was so relaxed passed out or her rapist was small and didn't even know someone had raped her. Woke fully clothed.

    Some sick f*** followed her and had probably spiked her drink, because that was the only way he could get a white gal was to rape her limp body after she passed out. Never cheated, so she assumed a condom failure and pregnant with her fiance's baby.

    So happy before and now seem very sad with an unruly son whose looks remind the husband it's not his son and remind her of a rape she didn't know happened. Still no kids together. She is not a cheater, but so many women have and lied about ONS, so many doubt her. He may believe her, but wouldn't there always be doubts? How could she not know she was raped? They may split up, all because some black piece of filth wanted to rape a limp passed out white girl who was out of his league.

  • Poor lady. Rapists should lose it their parts. Castrate them and have their winkies cut off as well, so they have to sit to pee.

  • All very good advice here. Just support her, that is all you can do and all that you are doing. You are a good friend. You can always offer to make appointments, drive her wherever, hold her hand but if she doesn't want to talk or deal, you can't force her. She is in denial. No one is going to judge her harder than what she is doing now. Not saying anyone is judging her, just that we are always hardest on ourselves. Let her know (again) that you're on her side. She doesn't want to press charges, fine. But the pregnancy needs to be dealt with. It's no longer just about her. I may ask her what she would tell you if the roles were reversed..but think the best way is to not tell her what to do.

  • Agree with the person that said there's more to this story.

    My guess is she consented, had s**, and then regretted it. If she's pregnant she doesn't want to blame herself and it's easy to blame him.

    Another option is that she possibly consented, had s**, and didn't remember it in the am. I know lots of married people who do this.. the wife has a great time, then wakes up in the morning and barely remembers it (or doesn't remember at all).

    She may have consented, then they made out for 1/2 hr while all of the booze kept kicking in, then they had s**. She woke up in the morning saying "hey I got date raped"

    Not saying that is what happened but it's a possibility.

  • There are some trashy s**** may do this, but most women don't imply rape because they regretted having s**.

  • You putting pressure on her.let her sole her issues at her own pace. You make her abort and she will hate you,let whatever she does be her own idea,choice,decision and not someone else's. Just be a friend and be supportive.The guy may be a rapist to you but her baby's daddy to her.Sit and think what you are doing,not what she needs to do or is not doing.

  • I think there's something about that night that she isn't telling you because it doesn't support her story. I can't guess at what it might be, but I can tell you that her behavior suggests something less than total candor.

  • Tell her to break up with the guy and call the police. Next time stay sober at a damn party.

  • What if he's a millionaire? It's not rape any more right?

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