F***** Up Life part 3
More f***** up than that is when I was 17, my family took a road trip out a different state. My mom and "dad" were in the front seat. and Me and my younger sister, 12 at that time, were in the back seat. Since I was already so f***** up in the head with that s***. i remember starting to play with her p****, at first she pushed my hand away, and then she let me play with it and her t***. The trip was a 3 day drive, that didn't happen till mid of the second day and the third day, that third night I remember we were sleeping on the same bed of some motel and still playing with each others genitals. she got on top of me and started kissing me and after a while she slid my d*** inside of her and road me quietly, i remember stopping because I noticed something red on the sheets, at the time I was p***** off thinking that it was period, not even considering that she was a virgin. We didn't have intercourse for the rest of the trip, but still messed around. When we got back home we would do it a couple of times a week I think, for about two and a half years. The amount of times we did it did die down after a couple of months and we were still doing it in the nights, only in the nights, when one of us was pretending to be asleep first. We even once had a pregnancy scare, that was scary. We haven't done anything like that for about 6 years now. My sister and I have a good relationship now, we never talked about what happened during that time of our lives. I'm proud of the things that she is doing. But even though everything is normal, to me, something seems a little off.
The only other weird thing that happened was while that was that was going on with my younger sister and my older cousin was off the grid, I tried to play with my younger cousin's p**** for like 30 seconds with my toe, while we were sleeping on the same bed head to feet. got disgusted with myself and went to sleep in the living room.
I feel like I've been pretty normal for a while, before I dealt with my problems with drugs and partying, never really had a problem getting girls. But now I am trying to be sober In a relationship where I should be happy. She isn't the best looker but she takes care of me. I am a f***** up person though because I have been cheating on her in our past 3.5 year relationship with multiple girls, as recent as last Friday. I might be the reason that she has herpes type 1, I had s** with a girl without a condom on and then f*** her also and then a couple of later she got bumps and got tested. I have never, still to this day, showed signs of it, and when I did get tested the doctor said he would email me for a follow up if something was wrong. So I don't know. I don't know if i am a s** addict or what it is. She just isn't giving it up enough, or at all recently. Sometimes I have thoughts of killing myself. And I don't know what to do about it, too much of a p**** to do it. Outside I am an outgoing guy, social, graduating college, everyone thinks I am just the best, but inside I am slowing dying.
Some might think that my story isn't true, but I know the truth. I just want some good advice with what to do to live a normal happy life again, not a f***** up, suicidal, depressed life. What will help. Thanks for reading and your advice.