Am I completely f***** up?

I loved this guy Chris, he love me too but I could never get myself to say yes to a relationship with him. Mostly bc I was really depressed at this time. But he was amazing to me, better than anyone in the world. He was loyal to me without a title, he never let me stay mad, he was just amazing we were amazing together, I just couldn't be with him, After about a year of that I met this guy named jake and he made me so happy. I stopped hurting myself, I stopped hating myself. I stopped wanting to die and started wanting a long life with him. He's great too, super nice, fun, loving, just a good guy. We've been together 3 years now. I've lived with for over a year, for free. I don't pay bills or have to work. He's asked my parents about marriage, we talk about a family and future and stuff all the time, and it's what I want. I don't talk to Chris anymore but I find myself missing the way he loved me. Not so much the person, just the way that I was always so great in his eyes, the way he didn't expect me to be anything more than I am and how he loved me for me. How he always did everything he could to make me happy. Am I just a b****? I know leading him on for a year was messed up. And I know missing his love when I want a life with jake is horrible. I love jake I would never go back or do anything to risk our relationship, but I still miss the way Chris loved me.. Opinion? Or advice, please. I really want help

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  • Think the real issue is you and how you feel about yourself. This isn't about you being f***** up, because you're not. It's about being honest with what you need. You are measuring how happy you are or how much you love yourself by someone else. You have to look at yourself and think and know you're amazing just as you are, independent of anyone in your life. And that anyone who you are with just enhances that. You have to be independent, not codependent. What has shifted in your relationship with Jake that you are thinking about Chris? Because..no one can love you more than you love yourself.

  • This happens a lot. It happened to me. Love the one your with.

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