Am I completely f***** up?
I loved this guy Chris, he love me too but I could never get myself to say yes to a relationship with him. Mostly bc I was really depressed at this time. But he was amazing to me, better than anyone in the world. He was loyal to me without a title, he never let me stay mad, he was just amazing we were amazing together, I just couldn't be with him, After about a year of that I met this guy named jake and he made me so happy. I stopped hurting myself, I stopped hating myself. I stopped wanting to die and started wanting a long life with him. He's great too, super nice, fun, loving, just a good guy. We've been together 3 years now. I've lived with for over a year, for free. I don't pay bills or have to work. He's asked my parents about marriage, we talk about a family and future and stuff all the time, and it's what I want. I don't talk to Chris anymore but I find myself missing the way he loved me. Not so much the person, just the way that I was always so great in his eyes, the way he didn't expect me to be anything more than I am and how he loved me for me. How he always did everything he could to make me happy. Am I just a b****? I know leading him on for a year was messed up. And I know missing his love when I want a life with jake is horrible. I love jake I would never go back or do anything to risk our relationship, but I still miss the way Chris loved me.. Opinion? Or advice, please. I really want help