What the h*** is wrong with me?

I joined dating sites to try to meet women. So far I've only done the free ones. So far EVERY woman I've sent a message to hasn't responded. Maybe some are a little out of my league but at least have the decency to respond and tell me you're not interested. It's hard for me to meet women outside of dating websites. I'm pretty shy and have a hard time starting and maintaining conversations with people I don't know. I'm not rich but I'm no dirt poor either. I'm not good looking but look a lot better than some people my age. This is very disheartening. I have feelings too. I am so tired of being alone. Why is it so hard to meet someone????? Am I that hideously ugly??????

Jan 11, 2015

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  • I was really shy myself and i struggled with social interaction and got incredibly nervous around all women. Honestly, what changed that for me was confidence building. For a period i stopped focussing on pushing myself to find a girl (and becoming despressed because it didnt work) and instead focus on myself and what i could do to become more comfortable with myself. Working out and getting a fit body gave me alot of the confidence i have right now. Also stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things can really make a difference. Good luck !

  • Definitely don't take it personally. Stay positive and confident. What ever girl comes your way is going to like you for you. Continue to send out messages and don't get discouraged. Be yourself and make yourself available, not just online but out in the world. Tell your friends that you're open to finding a girlfriend. Because you never know who may have a single girl for you? And who is going know you better than your friends. Maybe even consider paying for a couple of the sites. Sometimes those who pay can be more serious about finding someone. Join a meetup groups (start one of your own) or take classes where maybe there's a chance that there is someone you can meet. At least you will have one thing in common. Even try dating women that you wouldn't normally consider, just because you never know. Don't take any No's as being a bad thing. It just means something is better out there.

  • Not much chance of friends hooking me up. The few friends I have left are mostly married and have families of their own and few single friends (yeah I'm THAT old). It's up to me to meet people on my own but its hard when you're shy. I like the class idea and meetup idea. Several people have urged me to try meetup groups. I'm also going to join some pay sites. It's just all so discouraging because dating really comes down to a game and I just don't have the right moves :(

  • Regarding the class idea: Try a dance class. I did that in university and it was always like 20-50 girls and 1 or no guys. And again (I wrote the first comment), they expect you to come dance with them so there's no worry about approaching them.

  • Dance is a very good idea. I could learn a new dance or something. Interesting. Something to think about.

  • Most men have the same experience on dating sites including myself. From what I understand far more men message women than the other way around so men get almost no messages while women get literally thousands. I was told by one woman that tried online dating that it's like a frenzy every time she logs in and it's not even possible to read them all, never mind respond to them. Don't take it personally.
    I'm also kind of shy and have trouble conversing with women. What I found to work a lot better than online dating is speed dating. You get a chance to talk to each girl and it's not as intimidating as a regular outing because they EXPECT you to sit and talk to them. You don't have to worry about how to approach them and it's only a few minutes with each girl so you don't have to maintain conversation for very long.

  • Thanks. I know the women get my messages because I see they view my profile after I send them. Oh well. I know its a numbers game and eventually someone will answer. I did get some messages from women but weren't interested in them. I don't know about speed dating, I heard it's not really good for shy people. But if I get desperate enough I'll give it a try. I guess in the few minutes allotted it would be easy to talk about general things.

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