In high school I was naive and got really drunk at this one party. There was a guy I liked there and we sort of had a thing. Being into him I of course wanted to kiss him and everything.. My friend took me to another room where I can sober up cause I was really drunk. At one point during the night some guy walked in and I thought it was the guy I liked (I was still really drunk) and I was so eager to kiss him so we did and then we started hooking up then we had s** for a short time until I realized his face was someone else's.. I remember all the major stuff in snippets. Immediately I pushed him off and started crying and I ran down the stairs causing a scene. The guy called me crazy and he had time to run to the bathroom and act like he was in there the whole time throwing up. No one believed him cause apparently he's attempted to do that to other drunk girls before.. He stole my virginity. I used to question if it was my fault because I engaged in sexual activity with him. I gave myself a hard time for it. But now I know it wasn't and I shouldnt blame myself. I was drunk for goodness sakes. I never planned to do any of that except be with the guy I was into. I didn't even like drinking but I was desperate for friends and a lover. A year later I had the opportunity to move forward with it in court. I declined it because I knew the truth- why would I have to put myself in a position to go through so many cases in court just to prove it if my rapist is going to continue lying anyway? Going to court would take me so long to get over it. As another year went by, I was living happily doing things without even considering that event. I could think about it but not get angry or hurt like I used to. But today, I woke up, and I remembered what happened again. I started to get angry because I was replaying the scenes in my head- and I especially remember when the guy was staring at me for a long time before he even raped me. It was such a sinister look but I thought he was looking at me just cause.. It just makes me angry thinking as if he was deciding that I was his target as he stared at me, waiting for me to get especially drunk, and eventually following me up the stairs much later. He doesn't know all the pain and anxiety I went through. But nonetheless I need to let it go. I don't know what his intentions were that night. And as much as I have the urge right now to text him and remind him what he did to me- I shouldn't. It'll just start all over again. All I want from him is a sincere apology- I wouldn't even turn his confession to me against him if he did apologize. It would just give me closure. But I shouldnt even expect one from him for as long as I live.. if I put that expectation on me then I will never get over the situation... What's done is done, I can only move forward by letting go completely of all the grudges. Anyway... Just had to vent.. Time to do some homework and studying and get some kickass grades so I can successfully transfer over to my dream university :)


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  • That's not rape. That's poor little girl who wanted it then changed her mind.

  • F*** off you stupid tossed

  • I hope you reported this to the police. While you were fookish to get drunk enough to pass out that scumbag that raped you still committed a felony. If he gets caught and I hope he does he should get many years prison time.

  • F****** stupid s*** if you put the p**** out don't compare when the c*** enters your s***** you f***** w**** prosititue slapped cubt

  • Omg F*** you author! YOU got drunk! YOU have no one else to blame but YOURSELF! have you bothered thinking about how the other person feels? They were drunk and confused too. You are so lucky this is anonymous, you NEED to have your ass beat to the ground!!

  • Yeah that b****** didn't win girl. He's probably sitting at home with dead end ass future goals. He won't be nothing in life. He's miserable and you've won. Put it behind you, you've obviously learned from it. Just focus on your future and strive to be the best you can be. You seem like a brave girl, that a****** doesn't define who you are, you do. I hope nothing but great things for you in life. Keep your head up, always :)

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