Love my family...except her son. He's an a**

So heres my story. It's a long 1. My girlfriend and I have been together almost 6 years now. We've have lived together for 4 1/2 years of our relationship. We both have kids with different people she has a 10 year old boy and my son is about to turn 8. She has her son ALL the time because her ex husband and son's "dad" moved away when he was 2 and only takes the time to see him for a couple weeks each summer and a couple weekends each year. That's it, at the most 21 out of the 365 days a year. The guy is a complete and utterly waste of oxygen. BUT my gf has decided to hide the truth about his dad being a p.o.s and makes excuses for him and why he's not around more so he doesn't hate him. I guess that's a good thing, he'll figure it out eventually. (The truth is he's a drug addict and got some other girl pregnant that already had 2 kids. So now they live off welfare and food stamps.) I have tried for years to be a good role model and treat him like my own but he has gotten to the point where I can't even stand to be in the same room with him. I have to split 50/50 custody with my son's mother. We both get him for 7 consecutive days so the days I have him I know I tend to show him more attention which I've explained to the other child multiple times.
I grew up on an old school dairy farm and was raised to work my ass off everyday. My dad made us grow up tough and rugged and have instilled this into my son and tried to with her son but to no avail. My boy isn't perfect by any means as neither am I. Everyone has their flaws and our biggest one is a short temper. Those 2 boys have taught me to curb that temper exponentially, especially her boy since he is in my presence every single day. A little bit on her son: I've been in his life starting at age 4. He does not to get dirty, wont participate in any sports and cries over the tiniest little bump and bruise or scratch. He lets out this squeal you'd think was coming a little girl that got her fingers caught in a mouse trap. To say the least...He's a little soft. His grandparents (his mom and dad's side): SPOIL his ass to death! This kid has so many toys and useless s*** he never plays with it makes me sick. I've tried to get him to donate some of his stuff but he's so ocd about where everything is in his room that if it changes he throws a huge fit and will literally whine for weeks on end and cry about it every. single. time.
Even if it's something he hasn't played with in years.
So his grandma bought him a tablet last year (even though we told her not too) and now this is the ONLY form of activity he does without throwing a toddler like fit even though he knows when he throws fits he's not get anything he wants so i don't get why he continues to do it. Ugh! I do know the little time he spends with his dad, he gives into his whining just to shut him up.
He does have some good qualities tho. He is extremely, extremely book smart. He excels in school when he actually tries and isn't disrupting the classroom being a clown. BUT since the school work is coming easy to him it has just made him more arrogant and cocky. He carries this arrogance and cockiness around all the time now it drives everyone insane. When his mother corrects him or asks him to do something he usually has some smart ass comment and lately she's to afraid really punish him because he'll threaten to go live with his dad when he's of age. Personally, I would LOVE that! But I see how it might affect her so I don't say what im thinking. Instead if I'm home I have to speak up, he won't back talk me, he knows I'll throw his s*** out. Now my son is the complete opposite of my girlfriends boy. He's extremely quiet, polite and is tough as nails! He never cries and loves to be outside, playing in the dirt, playing sports and he even goes bow hunting with me. They've been around each other almost their whole lives but are completely different. I understand that it might make her son jealous. I've tried to do all this with her son and he completely refuses. I have tried to do things that he likes to do like play video games and watch tv. I can't even do that with him because he gets so damn rude, cocky or obnoxious. I'm to the point that now I absolutely can't stand to go anywhere with him. I used to just be able to ignore the obnoxiousness. I've been in his life for 6 years now and I've tried my hardest to show him that I care for him. I have shown equal care and love towards both kids. So he shouldn't have animosity toward me, my son certainly doesn't. There was a time when he was 6 or 7 that he did show respect and almost looked up to me. That was short lived. Now every time he goes to his dad's or hangs out with the one friend he has, he comes back more obnoxious, arrogant, annoying, and acts like an ass. We've tried talking it out, counselling, nothing works. The kid is so obnoxious and rude that now we don't talk anymore and the mere sound of his voice p***** me off. We are lost :(

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  • I've seen this too. The boy's father's presence is so important to his development..regardless of what a piece of crap he has proven to be. He's still his father. But don't think for a second that your contributions are anything less meaningful or important. When he grows up, it will be paid back to you tenfold. Kids are hard to raise. There's that point where their personalities start to really come out and sometimes we don't like who they are becoming. And when you are that young, you don't know how to voice or explain why you're angry. You and your wife are doing the best you can do. And it's good that you don't exclude him and you have one on one times with your son and one on one with her son. Do not take it personally. Not all boys are into sports or whatever, some are just as content with reading. He's clearly just more into that than your son. And that is okay. Get that relationship back on track. Remember he's 10! You are a very important part in his growth into a young man. Be patient, there may be some rocky times ahead. But you guys will weather it. Take some deep breaths. Maybe you and your wife can go to counseling and find out how best to deal with him as he gets older.

  • I've seen this a few times. What's happening is he is taking his real resentment of his dad out on you, don't take it personal.

    His dad isn't there - he is with other kids, and in his eyes your with yours. You have done a good job so far. Give him and yourself some space and let him work his feelings out on his own, he'll come back some day.

    Warning: once they turn 13 it is sheer H*** for almost every parent I know - remember space and kind words Good Luck

  • You might as well leave. Shes not going to get rid of her son to stay with you.

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