I let him finish inside me
I hooked up with a guy through tinder. He picked me up and we went to a motel. He paid for the whole night. Normally I never go without a condom. I did a couple times with long term boyfriends in high school, but not with anyone from tinder, at least not before this. He took the condom off a little while after we got started. He didn't ask he just did it and I didn't stop him. I'm not sure why. It did feel better to have him bare. He was actually really hot and really agressive. He made me feel small and very desirable. He was a good 15 years older than me. I felt compelled to please him and in doing so I became much more aroused. He certainly made sure I received an abundance of pleasure too, with just a hint of pain. He knew I was not protected from pregnancy, yet there came a moment when it dawned on me that he intended on finishing inside me. He didn't say anything or warn me, I just sensed it. My mind went numb then I felt this incredible rush surge through me as I decided to let him. I was on my back in the regular missionary position. I opened my legs as wide as I could for him. He eventually slowed deep in me and moaned loud. I could feel his thing throbbing and twitching inside me. It was incredible to submit on that level. After he was done he kept a slow in out motion going. I could definitely feel the difference in the consistency inside me. It was my first time experiencing that and I enjoyed it but then the excitement began to change to fear. I started obsessing in my head about my last period and the timing.
Finally we got dressed. It was awkward. Neither of us mentioned it. It wasn't until he turned on the big light to look for his keys that I noticed the indentation on his finger from a missing wedding band. That's when I just sort of gave up. I said, "If I get pregnant, I can keep you a secret. Unless you don't want me to."
He had the oddest response. He said, "I know," very confidently as if he was never worried about it. Then he drove me home with only a good bye pat on my thigh.
I enjoyed it, but it was also humiliating. I have fantasized about it every time I get myself off, then I get scared and cry immediately afterward. I could have said no, but I didn't. I could have gotten a morning after pill, but I was too embarrassed. I've been to the Dr and there are no STDs but it's still too early to test for pregnancy. The guys tinder account no longer exists. It's confusing and crazy and arousing all at once. That's it I guess.