Witnessed S** as a Child: Adultery, Conflicted Emotions, Anxiety


I never sought professional help for this and because of the nature of the incidents, I have never discussed it with anyone in my real life.

When I was 12, my mom had a fling with a guy at the resort were were staying that summer. She was married to my dad, but would bond with a guy she met at the resort community all summer.

Though I was a kid, I could tell she liked this guy but beyond the general idea that she should just be with my dad, I didn't really absorb the whole dynamic. I thought maybe they'd kiss (because that's what men and women who like each other do) and had a vague feeling they'd just spend time together, and I knew it was a secret, but the breadth of adultery didn't really register to me.

I actually witnessed them having s** one eve when I doubled back to our bungalow because I had a strong feeling she was with him. I had never seen anything like that before (TV was much more tame and that was all I would know), and it really shocked me at the time. At the same time, I found it compelling, so I watched for a bit before I got scared I'd get caught and took off.

I checked on her in the evenings when I could (usually there was evening activity like a movie or event) and I saw them make love five more times, though circumstantial evidence made it clear that they had s** frequently that summer.

I loved my mom and my dad, but I also liked this guy, I thought he was real cool at the time. I knew what she was doing was a secret and therefore probably bad or embarrassing, but I also found it exciting and went back to check on her so I could see them again. I didn't really understand s** at the time so it was a combination of scary and exciting to me.

Though I am straight, I sometimes find myself attracted to men that remind me of this guy. I also had anxiety over the years as I would more fully appreciate the details of what they were doing - sometimes I'd forget a detail and then something would click and I would realize another aspect of what was going on. I also don't entirely trust my memories of the incidents.

This has been a source of stress and anxiety for me for many years. Recently, I've been having dreams about this again, after not having any for many years.

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  • I understand you well for I was abused as a child. Let me share Aliya's story with you:

    She was a very nice exquisitely beautiful girl but had an insatiable appetite for s**. Aliya's figure is a head turner even while she wore casuals. She was this kind of girl that when she moved, her body moved (if you get what I mean?) She has a body that girls dream of. But she had a challenge; nymphomania! It all started with her being glued to the tubes, her phone and gadgets as she browsed p**********. Her waking up "meal" was all manner of p*** and masturbation. She inserted everything thinkable into herself -bottle barrel, her fingers, toys etc. She stole man-hour at work to browse p*** and do same. On her way back from work, she visited her boyfriends for rounds of it; sometimes orgies of 3 or more. The "boyfriends" in other to keep her hooked to them, introduced her to crack and heroine. The cocktail did their bidding, Aliya was coming for more of her now two worlds; drugs and Saturnalia! The boys nicknamed her "server" (just like the servers of your computers). Yea, she served everyone her "goodies" and went through multiple abortions and treated infections. It got to a point that she had to visit the crack house before showing up at the company where she worked as a secretary. She began to come late and be unproductive. Finally, Aliya was fired. She lost her home and car to mounting debts. Having no roof over her, she moved in with the "friends at the crack house. Aliya became a "crack-head" and breathed sexual orgies of the basest type. They videoed her when "high" doing it with dogs, toys, machined, pumping "junk" and asking for more, more, more. Their "server" was serving them even in while absent; they were "jerking off" with the videos which did not take time to hit the net.

  • When the boys got into trouble with the law, Aliya was forced to the streets. She was holed up under the rain having gone "cold turkey" when Jane found her. She had asked Jane for money to buy food, but Jane knew what was up. Money alone was not going to help Aliya out of her predicament. Jane took her to the nearest eatery, sat with her bought her meals and drinks and looked on as both ladies ate, Aliya could barely concentrate on her meals; itching and pulling her hair and was quite irritable and shivering. Janed asked if she could move in with her and she agreed. Jane bought new wears for her guest, took her to the salon and treated her hair of lice etc. She was able to assess all the facets of Aliya's predicament; she saw that her guest masturbated up to seven times a day and always had one plug or the other in her. Aliya confessed to Jane that she "could not help herself".

    "I know someone who can help you", Jane had told her. She explained to her friend that she was in "slavery" and read the very word of Jesus in John chapter eight from verse thirty four: Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. 35Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. 36So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. NIV.

  • Aliya told Jane that she didn't like religion but that she wanted to have whatever that made her host the amiable, empathetic, peaceful and loving soul that she was. Jane prayed with her guest and asked Jesus to take away the pains of slavery to sexual desires and drugs etc. Aliya asked the Lord to give her a new life, the kind that Jane had. And yes, Aliya had it; the new life she craved. No more insurmountable sexual urge and strangulating desire for drugs.

    Aliya wedded an honorable gentle man the following year and lives with her husband and two lovely kids. She had remained "free indeed" several years after her encounter with the Lord. She loves Jesus with all her heart and lives the life, she had been given. Jane had helped her secure a retail job in the jewel shop she co owned.

    The point is that a lot of people who are in "slavery" do not know that they are in it. They argue and brag about their escapades and "sexcapades". But you know the truth? You can't do without them. If you doubt this sentence, try on your own to stay away from intercourse, b*********, p***, toys or any of those seemingly innocuous "past times" even for a week and you'd experience the awful. You are hooked, tied, chained to it and more. But take up the challenge today and ask the Savior to save you and you'd see that you will be free indeed. For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him (Second Peter chapter two verse nineteen.) Jesus is willing to set you free, if you are! You can pray with me: Lord Jesus, I want to be free from all the captivities that I am in. I want to have a new life with you. Come into my life and be my Lord. Amen.

    You can access the New Testament online and other gospel resources and grow in the New Life that you have.

    Good wishes.

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