I don't know who I am anymore. I used to be so happy and carefree.. but I'm not I've changed but no one noticed. I act like I'm confident when I'm really not. I act like I'm happy, I put a fake smile on everyday. Why can't I just truly be happy? Why don't i f****** love myself? I don't get it. People say I'm pretty but I don't believe that. I'm so insecure of my under eye circles and I feel so awkward when people comment my body. Why do I feel this way? I think I'm Bi. I don't want to admit it though, I'm in denial. I've watched p*** before and it got me h**** and I feel horrible.. almost as if I'm doing something wrong and I AM. My parents would kill me if they knew that I was bi, it's not in my culture to be bi. I'm supposed to be straight and get married to a guy that's the same race as me. I have a boyfriend, I think he knows that I'm Bi, but i'm not sure. I love him so much! How can I say that thought when I don't even love myself. I feel like everyone hates me. I don't know why.. I feel like I can't be myself around certain people. I feel like I have to act in a certain way so people can accept me for who I am. Why am i living this fake life? Why do I think that people don't like me? It's not like I did anything wrong.

Jul 8, 2010

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  • Is there anyone in your life,you can confide your true feelings to,without judgement?

  • Yea, going through the motions of whats 'expected' of you can be demoralizing. You stop living for yourself. Its viewed that being selfish and rocking the boat for your own happiness is a bad thing. It can be if its destructive behavior. But doing something like taking up a new hobby or interest can put a spin on your life for the better.

    It's like a new window and if you gain experience or knowledge, i'll expand your window on the world and your place in it.

    You only thing you've done wrong is doing nothing to help yourself.

    BTW, being bi can have benefits. You can enjoy both while focusing on one type of relationship. Oddly, my wife and I are both bi. We both can comment and talk freely on a cute guy, or attractive woman. Lets us communicate on a basic level of attraction without jealous.

    Accept your bisexual identity and just focus on the hetro relationship you currently are in. It doesn't mean you have to act on that impulse of attraction.

  • Are you under 18? It's a lot harder then but if you are old enough to be on your own it has promise to get better.

  • i feel ya.. thats something i could write right now.. crazy. just know someone else feels the same.

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