I'm secretly a huge a******.
Amongst my friends I am the friendly, kind person who does things for others without expecting anything in return. The truth is I don't care at all. I'm so, so bored of them and everything else. my biggest fear is that they will realise that I've been using them and I'll be exposed. This happened when I was a kid when I used to ditch and manipulate others left and right and I hit people a lot. My parents thought I was some sort of demon child. It really sucked because I ended up alone and no one trusted me. It was really frustrating.
So I changed completely during secondary school. I acted kind and reliable and everyone thought I'd grown out of it. I'm fixated on how I appear to people who's opinions matter. I do things 'selflessly', I'm popular and everyone trusts me the most. I absolutely delight in when unlucky people try to mess with me though, because I get to turn on them and f*** them over whilst appearing like the victim. There was this one guy who tried to pressure me into s**. I took screenshots of our conversations and threatened to post them all over facebook. I made him pay me money, then I got him to buy me loads of stuff over the next few weeks. In the end I got bored and showed my friends the screenshots and told them I was scared. The lost their s*** completely and there was this huge argument. I posted the screenshots on facebook afterwards anyway. The guy lost all his friends and no one likes him.