I get bad period pain that a lot of people don't understand. a week before hand I get migraines and sickness and cramps and back and abdo pain, breast pain, stress, anger and tiredness, and during period I get fairly significant pain and nausea to the point I shake sometimes and get bowel and feeling incontinence, I get cramps in waves that are crippling and after I get skin tears and bleeding and redness and I am sick of my genital area smelling no matter how much I use anti-fungals or php flora gels or douches, and I have no s** life and no children or man so my only sexual release for the last 40 years has been self stimulation and I keep meeting the wrong men. its like some d******* has sent me on a path to constantly be rejected by men I like. it hurts that my best was still never good enough, when I was thin and pretty and young. nothing about me has ever been good enough for men my own age. its always old farts chasing me when I was 4 and 15 they were 70 or 40. when I was 20 the men who liked my ugly red hair were 45 and 80. so I just had no one til I was raped and hated having s** with someone I did not even like physically. like as a child forced to do sexual things with old men of 70 makes me sick. no wonder I was sick, and had monday-itis everyday of the week sometimes at school- and did any c&*T at that so called christain school care or notice? NO They were all TOO SELFISH ! i just got yelled at. now I am 45 and kids of 15 ask me for s**. when I lost weight and dad had the business I had more money to do things and people came to us from everywhere we were forced to help. I forgot I mattered at all after being bashed and raped, the stroke and the bullying, I wanted nice gentlemen style men at university to notice me. but none ever did. WHY CAN'T THEY GET OFF THEIR ASS AND FLIRT WITH ME, MAKE ME FEEL WORTHWHILE, ASK ME OUT ON DATES MORE, KEEP ASKING AND SHOW FRIENDSHIP ETC? I used to think...why do i have to doall the work and fight off violent girls and abusive women and I JUST CAN'T COMPETE ! IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO! I WANTED W AND H to like me and ask me out. I wanted men around my age or a bit older by 3 years or so or a bit younger 13 years to ask me out, NOT ONE MAN EVER ASKED ME OUT. my sister forced me with men who were the exact oposite of what I wanted in a man, they were uneducated, yobos, loudmouthed, violent, agressive, attacking insulting men, uncoate , the exact oposite to my shy sweet academic and physical looks, WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO ME GOD. ITS GOT STOP. PLEASE SAVE ME FROM THESE EVIL BORN AGAIN A-HOLES WHO ARE DEMONIC AND EVIL AND SELF SERVING. why can't a nice guy put the effort into me? It was not a confidence booster a 15 year old expecting me to be interested in him. It was not a confidence boaster a old fart of 50 and 80 coming on to me when I was 20 and 30. AT 15 A MAN OF 37 PUSHED HIS USELESS WAY INTO MY LIFE AND WE NEVER DID ANYTHING SEXUAL LIKE WITH ALL THE YOBOS LOUD MOUTH PIGS I COULD NOT LOWER MYSELF TO HAVE S** WITH THEM, it was not a confidence boaster being raped by a man who was the exact opposite of everything you worked so hard to be... I was a academic double degree excelling student at university doing heaps of extra self improvement things yet still no one noticed, I wanted bosses to employ me, I wanted men to date me. its always never my time, I always have to put others first and go without and I am sick of it. I am not willing to live like this anymore. YOU GOT THAT GOD! god can be a real FFF b**** sometimes. I look at men like all the cute guys I have liked and do like now, and think - well, I am not fat and old and unlikely to be able to have kids if some decent single guy does not get off his bum and marry me and make a worthwhile woman of me!!! IT HURTS BEING REJECTED ALL THE TIME. IT HURTS BEING USED BY BIKER TATTOOED YOBO FAT SKINHEAD FREAKS, IT HURTS BEING HIT ON BY DIRTY OLD FARTS. IT HURTS BEING IGNORED BY MEN WHO ARE MORE SUITABLE AGED TO ME AND SINGLE AND RELIABLE AND QUALITY. IT HURTS NOT HAVING A MARRIAGE AND CHILD. IT HURTS BEING LEFT OUT WHILE EVERYONE HAS A PARTNER. IT HURTS NOT HAVING A JOB, IT HURTS HAVING NO FRIENDS CARE ABOUT YOU AND ASK YOU OUT, IT HURTS BOSSES NEVER SEEING THE QUALITY IN YOU. IT HURTS PEOPLE EXPECTING YOU TO FEEL SEXY AND FAT WHEN YOU WANT TO BE THIN AND SEXY. IT HURTS BEING FAT NOT FITTING INTO PRETTY CLOTHES. IT HURTS WITH PERIOD PAIN WHEN I AM FAT, I GET WORSE PERIOD PAIN WHEN FAT. IT F****** HURTS SO MUCH I WISH YOU HAD TO SUFFER IT FOR ONCE, ALL YOU AHOLES WHO NEVER KNOW THE MEANING OF REJECTION, FAILURE AND LOSS AND POVERTY. IT HURTS. AND I AM TIRED OF HURTING. NOW I AM OVERWEGHT AGAIN AND I HATE MYSELF. I DON'T FEEL SEXY OR HEALTHY. I DON'T FEEL WORTHY AND I HATE MYSELF MORE THEN I LET ON. I CAN SEE WHY MEN WOULD REJECT A FAT UGLY OLD DIRTY USELESS LOSER LIKE ME. i am sick of this whole existence like this. I SEE PRETTY MODELS, PRINCESS AND PAGENT WOMEN I WANTED TO BE LIKE.

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  • Stop now and call your doctor and gynecologist and make appointments. When your done, please get into counseling so that you can get your life and health on track again. You may need to see a psychiatrist and a social worker but it will be well worth your time because things will improve for you. Take care now.

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