I got carried away on tinder and now I want to f****** die
I'm 17. I'm very introverted. I joined tinder and I fell into many serious online relationships, but would not meet up with people as I'm dependent on my parents and being on it would land me in trouble with them- it was my little secret. I was in deep with this. So when the person would get distant, I would panic and send them nudes on snapchat to hold onto them.
The first time wasn't serious. just physical attraction.
The second was a lot more intense- I fell in love. But he treated me badly and we drifted apart. I was heart broken. So, so, so heartbroken. I didn't know how to cope.
I wanted to rebound. I was talking to a couple of people- as you do. these two people both fell in love with me really quickly- and I with them Both. They both wanted to meet up with me, I told them I couldn't.
By this stage I grew so numb to the seriousness of sending pictures- I didn't think it was a big deal at all. So I did that. With both of them. Consecutively. Which is scummy. I was just really really emotionally numb, I wasn't thinking straight.
All of a sudden the severity of it all hit me like a tonne of f****** bricks.
I had to confess what I was doing because I was convinced that they would find out somehow later down the line anyways. One of them was okay with it- we're still on good terms. The other wasn't. He was really hurt, and I've lost him forever now. I look at his Facebook sometimes and f****** kill myself over how I lost such a great person.
What I did still haunts me. I'm so paranoid. I know screenshots weren't taken, but I'm still scared shitless of that now. What if pictures of me get leaked? What everyone finds out? What if This comes back to haunt me? What if I get publicly shamed for what I did?
I feel like my life is over. Am I a cheater? Am I an evil person? Can I move on from this? It's haunting me. I can't seem to forgive myself. I feel like I am scum, to my core. When it gets really bad, I honestly feel like I'm better off dead. How can I move on? Please help