RAPE FANTASYS AND IM 15
Yes you read the title correctly... Hmmm where shall I start?I HAVE NEVER BEEN RAPED OR ASSAULTED )
It's been about a year since I started having these... Obsessions or fantasy's. It started when I accidently saw p*** on the internet. It interested me and I started watching p*** hub on a daily bases.I became addicted.Unfortunately I had to stop because I was scared because I have strict parents and god knows what would happen if they found out! I was still curious about s** and my friends are older than me and they have their minds in the gutters. After a while I started looking up adult content on youtube and I learnt how to m********* and about sexual acts. I tried to go back to watching p*** again but my dad must have put a family setting on the internet to block inappropriate content. Because I had an addiction I had to find another way to cope with it. At school I found out about rape and became turn on by it. This turned into extreme obsession that feel that has got out of hand. I think about it everyday and night. I know that what Im feeling is wrong and I should go and see a doctor.
Its strange because people think I'm a innocent shy girl but nobody knows what the h*** goes through my head! Nobody really understands me. As I said before my parents are strict and I am never left home alone or allowed out after 4 because "That's when the bad people come out" my dad says. I might be thinking this because I'm lonely and I have never experienced love or my first kiss. (Yes's um a virgin). I feel trapped. It could be also to do with that I was having deep sexual thoughts before I even knew about s**. ( I was about 8). I already go on omegal and talk to strangers. I HAVE DREAMS ABOUT BEING RAPED AND KIDNAPPED!!But its annoying because I wake up before I'm raped or assaulted.
I am self conscious and when I'm walking to school I feel that men are looking at me. I am the prettiest in my friendship group and have have larger b**** than the average girl my age.( 36 f ) nd its hard to try to hide them with my school uniform because by blazer is too small for my chest. This makes my chest look even bigger :S Although I do like the,attention I I'm getting scared of Men because they stare at me through their cars ( especially taxi men!!!)
Please tell me what you think. Am I a s***? Or is it normal? If anyone can relate to this please comment.I know rape is not something I should be thing about at my age but I cant help my desires xxx
please talk to me ;)