No S**

I'm in a sexless relationship. My fiancé has never been very sexual or interested in s**. He is kind to me and sweet, but not physical. He doesn't like to hold hands or kiss or have s**. At best, before we were engaged, we had s** monthly. It almost seemed like a chore to him. He is so good to me outside of this area. I've addressed it so many times that I've given up. After we got engaged, we stopped having s** all together. It has been a year. He says it's emotional and we've had some problems, so he's not into it. He reads playboy and says he masturbates. I've never seen him do that once in our relationship, though. I thought maybe he was cheating because I just can't understand, but he works from home and never travels for work, so I don't see how.

I'm depressed and sad and crying all the time. I've asked him if there is something wrong with me. He said no, he just has a low s** drive. I've moved into the other bedroom because I've started masturbating at night from lack of attention, and he started to roll over and turn the other way. I feel like some kind of monster! And we are both very physically fit, in our 30's, attractive, former college athletes. I don't understand. I've considered leaving him because I feel so sad, but then I could be with someone else who is sexual but we have a bad relationship??Everything else in our relationship is good. I hate myself now. I feel disgusting. I just want him to touch me and want me. He's made a few off the wall remarks about priests and growing up as an alter boy, and I asked him if something happened. He said I was sick for even suggesting that. I'm embarrassed I even said anything, but I couldn't figure out why he hates being physical. I'm at my wits end. Is this normal? Are some men just not that interested? I've tried lingerie, toys, going into the shower with him, starting to give him a bj and he's actually stopped me. Please tell me if this is psychological or physical or something I am doing???? I'm desperate.


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  • Why r u staying he should lick and f*** ur p**** each night

  • Dump his ass!! If you aren't happy with your sexless relationship now,you won't be happy with it, when you get married!! You aren't compatible sexually and I hate to say this,but it sounds like,your relationship won't work in the long run.Especially if,your man isn't willing to compromise.
    Also,its obviously affecting you emotionally and psychologically.If he loves you like you think he does,he wouldn't deprive you of this.Maybe,he's gay.And I don't think it was nad of you,to wonder and question whether something happened to him,whilst he was an alter boy.You hear stories on the news,about some priests,molesting and raping,alter boys!!
    He sounds "gay" x
    Don't sacrifice your sexual needs and desires for him,If he isn't willing to love you enough,to meet you half way!

    Maybe,have a f*** buddy on the side.But tell him you're contemplating, getting one.See what his reaction would be,from that suggestion!
    You never know,he may f*** your,brains out! Miracles do happen!

  • Put any wedding planning on hold. S** is an important part of a relationship. Are you sure your fiancé isn't gay and hiding his true feelings because of his parents? religion? job etc.. You mention (he mentioned) something about priests - had he been molested and is just unable to tell you. Could he be having an affair or is he even asexual. You deserve intimacy, affection and s** in your relationship. Counseling may or may not help. It depends on how willing he is to give you answers. You may be better off walking away.

  • I'm a twenty two years old woman and I feel the same way. I'm not into s** or kissing. I'm fine with holding hands. S** is emotional for me as well. I mean, s** does means a lot to me. My dad was married around the age of 29-35. My mom passed away around the age of 30. He's now about sixty and haven't had s** since my mom passed away. Men can live without having s**. He's probably has a lot in mind. Instead of talking to him about s** or about yourself, why won't you ask if anything's bothering him. Sometimes stress or some medications take over and reduces the s** drive. Have a mutual conversation about whatever's bothering him. He might not be good at expressing himself.

    Ps: I'm a healthy virgin female.

  • I agree with your comment(Healthy Virgin Female). There are many f****** that you might get but you wont find a nice man. Choice is yours. Seek advice from all but use your brains. Best of Luck and Gos Bless.

  • Staying a virgin is wasting a big part of ur life its absolutely pointless when u finally do you'll hopefully realize how bad at it u r

  • Seek counseling please before you get married. Don't marry him until you know what his problem is. Go do some research on him anything, even if it means looking through his stuff, while he's not home try not to get caught. You got to find out more about him before you tie the knot otherwise it's only going to create major problems for you. Besides don't waste your time I'm sure you want to find someone to have a family with, and I'm sure it doesn't look like he's the one, since he doesn't want s**, how are you supposed to have a baby? Hate to say this but it sounds like he's either got another on the side, or he's Gay.

  • I'm the OP. We had time to talk, and he's said he's not gay. He said he doesn't like what's happened to the Catholic Church, which is why he's unsure of what he believes religiously. He's unable to really discuss emotion and is closed off, and even was uncomfortable discussing our lack of s**. He said he isn't interested in s** because we've been fighting and have had some problems, and he feels as if we don't have a good foundation. He said he'd like to work on us and maybe intimidacy will come with time after he feels we are good. I've been fighting because of the lack of s**. I'm not greedy, I just need to feel close to my future husband! Currently he masturbates alone and checks out girls, but has no interest in me. I asked for couples counseling. He said I should go, but he won't. I've seen him flirt and check out girls, and I know he had many one night stands before me (college athlete and all). We both work from home and I don't see how he could having an affair. We are always together. We've slowly tapered off the past few years physically, but it's been 1 year without s** or kissing. I'm scared to stay if it doesn't improve because I'm so lonely feeling. It sounds so selfish on my part when he's good to me overall. I just feel rejected and worthless. Maybe counseling for me would help. Once our relationship is better in his eyes, maybe the love will come back.

  • Leave him today you want lots of s**

  • Go elsewhere. Get someone who speaks your love language

  • My best guesses.........he is into men, and has not admitted it to himself yet.

    ....he watches alot of p*** and masturbates alot, and that kills his motivation amd desire.

    ...he is turned off by something about you..body odor, how you look down there, etc...

    ...he is immature, a mama's boy...thinks s** is yukky!

    ...he is oppressed, hadbadexperiences, maybe was molested, touched when young, and is stuck.

    ...has a medical condition he is embarrassed about.

    He is going to be your husband. Marriage is serious biz. You both need to grow up, and speak up.

    Ask him what the deal is, how he feels, tell him how he can trust you completely....and also, that this no s** thing does not, will not, work for you, no matter how sweet and kind he is otherwise.

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