Men...........there's just no understanding them

I'll make this as brief as I can. I'm 24mwf, 5'10', educated, very social, natural blonde, thin, extremely fit, DD cup (via an augmentation that was supported and paid for by my husband), and men always check me out. My husband is 39, good looking, well-hung, a hard worker and a very good earner. We had what I thought was a good marriage until about 5 months back which was when I learned that he'd been cheating on me for almost 2 yrs with his secretary at work. He denies that, but I don't trust what he says anymore. What confuses me is the fact that she's a 45yo bleached-blonde piece of trailer-trash with several tattoos who is 5'1" and weighs probably 220lbs. She's been married five times and lived with god-only-knows how many other men. She has five kids strewn all over 2 states, though they are all grown now with the exception of a sixth child born in January of this year (I have good reason to suspect that my husband is that baby's father). If you looked at her and then looked at me, you'd be confused too, wondering why my husband would f*** that instead of f****** this. You'd wonder why he would do that even once, much less for 2 yrs. I guess I will just never understand men.

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  • Hello OP...I have read all the comments here, including your responses. My first impression of you wasn't great, but then I read the things you wrote. I think you're a good woman. I think you married the wrong man. I think you don't deserve to be cheated on. I hope you can find strength to leave and find someone that deserves you, and will make you happy in all ways not just financially. And from this bad marriage I hope you take lessons that can help you with a future relationship. Mistakes to avoid. You need to demand better for yourself. Leave his to his dirties. Good luck, sweetheart. <3

  • I really really appreciate your kind words. That actually does help. I'm not yet sure what I'm going to do about this situation. I know I can't stay with a man who would have an affair with a woman like Brenda, because sooner or later everyone will know what's happening (if they don't already know). I don't know if I can stay with him even he only f***** her a few times, because she's just so f****** gross and nasty. Yech! Yes, I have learned a lot and you're completely right: I do need to demand more and better. Thank you so much for writing. You're a total sweetheart.

  • From the OP: I am completely amazed by the level of response to my post. I really thought that very few people would even read it and that NOBODY would reply. Since there are numerous comments, I feel like I should provide input on them, though I may only do that on one where there are other response of a similar sort. Thanks ~ OP

  • You are not as good of a f*** as this other woman simple

  • Just by looking at her, at the way she walks, the way she carries herself, and the way she dresses (provocatively), my guess would be that she's quite good in bed. She's obviously managed to lure five men into marriage and dozens/hundreds more into bed. But I consider myself quite good, and I have the body that most men have wet dreams about. I doubt she's much better than me, if at all.

  • Honey, she makes him feel good ! You dont ! Simple as that !

  • ..shes giving him rim jobs every time she sees him......you arent........thats why he goes there......

  • This is possible, I admit. I have frequently been on the receiving end of a r******, but I stopped giving them while I was still a teenager. Men's a******* are not as sweet as women's. No, thanks.

  • Ur right mens aholes r not nice its not bout that r she being better than u its that he now has to ladies to f*** and he likes the change

  • He's not cheating on you with her. He's cheating on her with you. Wake up and smell the p**** . . . . he's got her smell all over him.

  • Agreed. This is one of the reasons I believe he's cheating. Sometimes he comes home smelling like he's been drenched in p**** juice. I think she grinds on him at the office, while he's fully dressed, smearing that filthy, greasy t*** all over him, just so she knows I can smell it when he comes back to me. It's gross. She may also be a squirter (I'm not) and that could contribute to the filthy smell.

  • He doesn't love her, or else he would have already left you. He just likes tappin' that hot and nasty ass of hers.

  • The secretary used the baby as her meal ticket. You know she's milking that little infant b****** for all it's worth. The poor guy will never be able to get away from her, or ever stop paying.

  • It seems likely that this is completely true. Sadly, I think my husband may have walked right into that trap, even knowing her history. I know she's used it before because she told me she had the very first time I met her. She was proud of having blown up at LEAST one marriage by using that technique.

  • Don't you know that men will stick their d*** in anything with a hole?? He wanted new p**** and is tired of yours.

  • Even though he cheated on his first wife with me for several years, I have always thought he was more discriminating in his sexual escapades. But Brenda (that's the secretary) is no prize by any means or standard. She's just trash. Total f****** trash. Right straight outta trailersville. Skanky doesn't begin to describe it.

  • I'm sleeping with a married man. I'm technically heavier than his wife but I'm more feminine and attractive. Not to to imply she's ugly, because she's not. His wife is boring in the sack and doesn't put out enough. It's as simple as that. I'll do just about anything he wants and whenever he wants. I suck him every chance I get, swallow no problem, bum s'ex absolutely, and so on. Oh and my b'oobs are larger than hers and real (though hers are real too). Also I get to be the fun playful one. His wife is Debbie downer. But I'm not stealing him. I just like borrowing him.

  • I'm more appreciative of your addition than any other here. You told me two things that I hadn't thought of and confirmed one other. The new are (1) the frequency of oral s** (my husband LOVES a BJ, and can't get enough) and it being in FAR greater numbers and in many more fun places than the norm, and (2) that you offer an environment that is entirely about the pleasure of love-making and not about the work of relationships. The confirmed one is that you don't intend to take your man, but simply use him. I hope that is what this b**** is doing with mine. Thanks so very much for your input. I really GENUINELY appreciate it and am grateful for it.

  • I lost my husband to one of these nasty fat trailer-park b****** almost 10 years ago. They are the meanest people on the planet. You couldn't imagine what this vicious tramp did to me and my family just to get what she wanted. Get out now, before she starts to level her aim directly at you. I don't care how big his d*** is, your husband isn't worth the trouble that's coming your way.

  • The other woman involved here is totally capable of doing exactly what you described. TOTALLY. You can see in her eyes that she is pure evil and completely self-centered. She would do anything to get what she wants, or get someone out of her way. I hope I'm wrong, and that Brenda is like the woman above: only using my husband and not intent on stealing him. Thank you.

  • Looks like this b**** has won she must hav some talent you dont have

  • ^Totally!^^ She gives up the ass, and either you don't give it up at all or you do it as a favor. It's all about that ass!!

  • I do a***. I can't say I love it, but I can say I'm really good at it.

  • Given her body weight, her t*** are probably about three times the size of yours. And her ass could be about five times the size of yours. Maybe more. What your husband is doing, and what he's after, is perfectly understandable. She's not GOING to take him from you, she's already TAKEN him from you. One day soon, she's going to call you and tell you precisely that. She'll begin by confirming your suspicion that the baby she had in January is your husband's, and that she's pregnant again with his second child. Then she'll say he's there at her house........and he won't be coming home.

  • If it's going to happen, I really hope it doesn't happen the way you describe: that would be heartbreaking (even though I wouldn't be alone very long, I assure you all). I have to say, though, that your guesstimates are almost exactly right (three and five): don't know how you could get so close, but you're almost right on the money. I never thought of my husband as being that "into" gigantic t***, much less the big round a****, but that would explain his attraction to the b****.

  • ....if she's already got his baby, she's already won........

  • This is my greatest fear. Yes, this could easily be true. If that baby is his, he will leave to be with her.

  • Overly pretty chicks think they don't have to try in bed hate to burst ur bubble but it's not true

  • On the contrary, I make a serious effort in bed. And my results have been pretty remarkable.

  • Women from trailer parks are EXPERTS at taking other women's husbands. And, as you've already experienced, they ALWAYS target well-to-do men that are married. What you may not know is that they actually PREFER married men, because they love the idea of enticing someone to get in between their legs, rather than the legs of his wife.

  • I'd seriously doubt that this chick hasn't cheated either even if she doesn't admit it

  • I "cheated" on my husband during the relationship we had before we got married (dating and then living together), but during that time he was married to somebody else, and I was clear with him: as long as he was married to and sleeping with his wife, I wasn't going to keep myself for him. But ever since he put a ring on it, I've been faithful. It's been reeeeeeeeeally hard (you could not POSSIBLY imagine how hard), but I've never strayed in four years of marriage.

  • ......plus......they can use the infidelity to blackmail the poor schmuck.........

  • That's a crime btw its extortion I'm pretty sure

  • ....blackmail doesn't always involve money..... ;>

  • ^That's true^, but it's about money here. The secretary tells him, "I need financial help raising this child we made, and I'm asking you nicely. Please don't make me go to your wife and ask for money from her." That's blackmail, sure as any other, but it's not extortion and it's not a crime.

  • Maybe ur the gold digger

  • You're looking at this situation from an "either/or" perspective, while he's looking at from an "and/both" perspective. You look at her and think why would he -- or anyone -- select her when the alternative is me? And from what you've written, it seems to me that you are exactly correct. If a man walked in a room where you and your husband's secretary were waiting, and were told he could f*** either of you, the man would ALWAYS f*** you. 100% of the time, because he's going to make the high value choice. How could a man NOT make that choice? But your husband walks in, sees the two of you, and he hasn't been told that a choice is required. So, if he CAN do you both, he WILL do you both. Not together, never together, but sequentially. You mentioned he was well hung, and that is a key here: men with big d**** almost always get the women they want, and plenty of them, and I've seen that in my own life and marriage. My husband has a big d*** and he uses it to his advantage (and his pleasure). You have to decide whether or not you're willing to share. He's not going to stop f****** this woman. She's obviously a nasty piece of ass, and he likes that too much to stop.

  • This is a very difficult piece of reasoning to refute. I get what you are saying, but I don't have enough evidence to confirm it or deny it. He easily COULD believe that he can have us both. I don't think I can stand for it, and she isn't the kind of woman likely to permit it. My fear is that Brenda will force his hand with the baby (if it's his) and make him choose before I do. My guess is he'd go with her, because they have a family (if the little b****** is his).

  • How about his maybe u don't pull ur weight in the sack maybe he has to do all the work mabye he finds u leeching off him financially.....marriage isn't natural for ppl...do u give good b*******? If not that could be the best answer

  • ^^so true^^. the likelihood is that she is MUCH better in bed than you are. the simple answer is usually the right answer.

  • Sounds like he has a problem but don't we all? Maybe he a chubby chaser at heart. Then on the other hand some men just can't resist a loose woman.

    Being married to you he should have resisted his urges. I'm sorry this happened to you.

  • I deeply appreciate your great kindness. That is so rare anymore. To your point, yes, Brenda is unbelievably loose and nasty. My husband would respond to that, because he responded to it with me while he was with his first wife, Tracy. I made myself a better alternative to Tracy, sexually and in other ways (the breast aug was a big part of that), and I won. Brenda is soooooo nasty and trashy and my husband might well love her for that.

  • I am on the fence here. You do come off like a bit of a full of yourself b****, but I don't think you deserve to be cheated on. Obviously she holds some appeal if he has been sticking his d'ick in her. Can you live with that? And just for the record I suspect that isn't the only hole he's been fishing in, and it won't be the last. But hey...you got b****!!

  • .... i agree with this commenter.....your husband isn't just f****** the secretary......he's f****** a lot of women......

  • Both of you are perhaps correct. I had the sense many years ago that he was seeing one of my friends. They both denied it, but if you saw them together, the way they looked at each other was as if they were f****** right in front of everybody. He looks at Brenda even more ravenously.

  • She is better than you where it matters

  • The commenter below is an idiot. ??

  • Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES. ^This^ is the absolute truth. This secretary obviously has incredible skills because she has so much experience. She knows how to take care of her men. And you need to know that, because she is absolutely going to use those skills to take your husband away from you. My guess is she's done this before, and she's certainly doing it here. If she has his baby and you don't, she'll win. I'm afraid your marriage is history.

  • I'm an inarticulate, self-centered b*** with a fifth-grade vocabulary and a propensity toward outbreaks of infantilism. My credentials established, I assure you that you can never underestimate the intelligence of the average male.

  • It could be his mid-life crises. The fact that he's trying to hide this affair from you probably means that he has no desire to leave you for her. Also, she may be giving him something in bed that you haven't been. Give him time and space to get it out of his system. This affair will be over soon so don't get emotional and do something stupid. He's not going anywhere...............

  • ^The mid-life crisis is a possibility. But it could have been when he married someone so young. He's nearing 40 and she's 24. Maybe he has more in common with his secretary. Regardless of looks or what you think as unattractive - that's who your husband chose. So he's getting something, you're not able to satisfy. What's going on in your marriage that would make your husband actually cheat on you and continue an affair for so long. Do you actually have concrete evidence that they are together, because it sounds as though you're just speculating. What are you going to do? Stay or go?

  • No, I don't have concrete evidence, just his being gone when he's not at the office, having his phone turned off so he can't be found, and the way they look at each other with such hunger, even when they are around me. Also, one of her friends at work told me (secretly) that she's admitted to being involved at present in an affair with a "married man", unnamed, and that the new baby is his, not the man's she's living with, and other similar characteristics. All her descriptors fit my husband, perfectly.

  • A mid life crisis is a poor excuse for that unfaithful excuse for a man to cheat on her.

  • Lol ok keep pretending that women don't cheat in the same frequency......

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