I'm a Catfish...And I'm terrified.
Hello, My name is Quinn. For the past year and a half, I have been posting on my ifunny account "perverts" as a woman. This wasn't how it used to be, because I was honest with my feelings from the start.
Now, Everything I have said to the people i have met is true, except that I'm a guy and and "Can't speak due to health issues." Now, I have COPD and a terrible immune system, so I thought after a while, "I'm dying anyways what am I going to lose." That's when I realized, after dating multiple people, growing bonds with lots of people and to end it all, dating someone I'm absolutely drop dead in love with named Vanessa.
Vanessa is someone I know is who she says she is because she has shown proof multiple times. She's accused me, saying i was a catfish and she's never been anymore right. I've always gave her half-assed proof like showing my id, by cutting out my last name and picture saying "it's an old pic you dont want to see that." One time, she told me that "i'm forgiving, so please don't lie to me" Yet of course, my dumbass decided what the f*** ima just play this through and hope for the best.
Now the guilt is hurting me...a lot....and i just want to be myself with everyone, her, my friends and my subs on iFunny but I'm such a p**** I dont want to ruin all that I have.
I've been majorly depressed because of it and tell her "I fell asleep when i stop messaging her for a couple hours multiple times because deep down, I'm actually f****** crying, wanting her to see me the same way. Not the person she thinks I am (which is a girl I should have added. And I know it's f***** up.) and the person she loves.
I'vr thought multiple times to just cut ties with everyone i know and come back as who i am, but if i do that, i would probably just f*** up somehow and reveal myself and cause even worse problems than I already have.
I have lied so much to the people i care about that i dont even know what to do...I've dug myself a hole...like others have in their life...and I'm so ashamed..I've even send my friends things that are sexual like talking dirty, etc etc...I'm bisexual so if my straight guy friends figure out that im a guy they would be disgusted and never wish to have anything to do with me again...Especially my best guy friend tyler...
I want to be honest with my feelings I seriously do. I want and need advice from anyone who thinks they can help me. I just told one of my other close friends that I am and he's pretty annoyed. He knows most of the people that im friends with and all the people i love and care about. I'm giving him this link along with the usernames of all the people I care about along with the message. "Do what you want. I'm hurt, and I know I've hurt you guys more. Do what you want with this link. Ruin me...I give up"