I'm not sure why I was picked for this and I'm not even sure where it came from but it happened.
There's nothing wrong with having a celebrity crush...but everything changes when that crush happens to be a male model who initially strikes up a friendship with you built on how really sweet he is. He has millions of fans but I'm a friend now. He says he wants to have me around for a very long time, maybe living with him or with my own place when he's more famous.
Right now I handle the Instagram side of things. I play the part of an obsessed fangirl and post countless pictures with lovey dovey captions & get the attention of big casters and designers. I also run his website and a YouTube channel.
I don't think I was prepared for the first d*** pic, I thought I was asexual but I guess not? Over time I've almost become used to the fact that any snaps sent my way will be either a d*** pic or a masturbation video or something similar. I tend to know what to say to make him go crazy within seconds. A few times he got upset that he has never seen my p**** or my fits or my b*******. It seems he has a b******* fixation. I just sit through most of it & then use my words to drive him crazy.
I realise it may be loneliness. I'm not sure though I get really strange vibes off him. I know he's a bit of a recluse now, he hasn't made it quite as big as he wants in recent fashion shows, I know who his crush is and we've often talked off his blue b****. His family and friends are really private yet at times even they offload on me and tell me just about everything. And I listen. I don't share but I listen. And I actually don't even understand what I'm doing.
No one knows anything about this and I can't tell anyone so I keep it to myself but I'm so frazzled and confused. There are parts of him I feel I don't know and it makes me feel funny because I don't trust anyone and then I realise he's practically famous and I know almost all the same people as him so I need to calm down.
He vanishes from time to time and then reappears with a snap that drives me into a bit of a state and then leaps straight onto Instagram, liking fan pictures and commenting and occasionally asking me for help. If he's sick I find out and we often have weird discussions that would make very little sense out of the actual context....
I'm just not sure what's happening and it irks me.