I'm a b****
Choosing a single word to describe what I confess to being was not difficult. I am sure that most people would call me a b**** and I guess that this is a fair and covering characteristic.
But there are many other words that are needed to detail the picture and it also should be said that I am not ashamed or sorry for being a b****, I enjoy it and have a good life.
I am 37 and have an interesting job and challenging career as a market economist.
I also am bisexual leaning towards lesbianism, promiscuous, bossy/domineering, controlling, temperamental, authoritarian and self-centred.
Already as very young, I discovered that many boys react submissively if a girl is bossy and dares take charge. I was 14 first time I slapped a boyfriend because he annoyed me and when I realised what I spontaneously had done I feared what his reaction but when he just looked stupidly at me and I saw fear in his eyes I slapped him a few more times and scolded him. He responded very satisfactory to this treatment and was pleasantly compliant.
It was an interesting discovery and ever since I have always early in relationships put my boyfriends in their place by slapping and scolding them. I have never looked for especially submissive boys and men but I must have a talent for spotting when a boy has the potential for being subdued. A few boyfriends backed out of the relationships when I slapped them but in general, they reacted with a paralysing mix of surprise, fear and shame that made them easy to humble and control.
I have never been emotionally attached to my boyfriends. I have them for the s** and because it often is convenient to have a man around to do things that need to be done but that I do not care to do. Men I can like, enjoy and use but I cannot love or even really respect them. I have a strong appetite for s** and not with a single boyfriend I have ever care to be faithful, why should I?
Now I have for almost 5 years had the same boyfriend. He is a carpenter and when I gave up my apartment and bought an old house it became practical to have a man to do the necessary maintenance work on the house, do the gardening and in general do odd jobs and chores. It also is convenient to have him available for occasionally satisfying my sexual needs.
I keep him under my thumb and make sure that he does not dare cross me. He goes to work in the morning and when he comes home he has to do the cleaning and other housework. His weekly pay goes into my account and then I buy clothes and other necessities for him and I give him a small allowance. He has his own room where he sleeps and also stays when I have company and do not care to have him hanging around. Except for to make the bed and do the tidying and cleaning he only comes in my bedroom on my demand. I frequently go out to dance, drink and have fun and many times I bring home a girl or occasionally a man to sleep with and then I phone my boyfriend and tell him to stay in his room and be quiet until I let him out. Sometimes I arrange to have a romantic evening or weekend with a girlfriend and then my boyfriend has to serve us with food and drink but except for that, he is confined to his room.
Having my boyfriend is a big convenience and my life certainly is much more comfortable and pleasant because I have him. I like him and intend to keep him but I do not love him and the idea of respecting him as my equal is absurd. My need for the passion I get covered by changing lovers. The emotional closeness I have with close girlfriends. My need for intellectual stimulation I get covered at work and together with my girlfriends.
My boyfriend's role is simply to make my life comfortable, keep his mouth shut and do as he is told.
I do not need him to kiss my foot or at home walk about naked or dressed in a maid's costume, this would not be a turn on for me and neither would it be to whip his bottom b*****.
What matters is humble compliance and respect. This I have so far effectively induced in him just by being bossy, controlling, authoritarian and degrading. The way I always speak to him, give orders and boss him about leaves him in no doubt that his role in my house and life is as subordinate as it can be. Whenever he does anything that irritates and annoys me I scold him and I remind him of his subordinate status, I pull his hair and his ear and I slap him continuously as I scold him. Such a correction and attitude adjustment can for ten – fifteen minutes or more go on with harsh, demeaning words and many hard slaps across his face. I aim at not causing only pain but also great humiliation so I deliberately mock and demean him.
Such a stern lesson once or occasionally twice in a week is enough to keep him bridled. He knows that his well-being depends on pleasing and when I have taught him a lesson he is very humble and terribly afraid not to please me.
I have never needed punish him more severely than this and I doubt that I will ever need to use a cane or strap or paddle on him. I would do it if he did something I felt warranted it. I would do it if for instance he one day came home drunk, if he had an affair or if I experienced open disobedience and disrespect from him and then I would give him the thrashing of a lifetime but I doubt that it will ever be needed.
Those of my girlfriends who are so close that they also are my confidants and know all about my boyfriend and how I treat him tend to find him a ridiculous and pathetic. At the same time they see how I benefit from keeping him and although they can make mocking jokes on his expense I sometimes sense a little envy when the talk is of my relationship with him.
I guess that most who read this will say that I am a horrible woman, a cruel b**** and egoistic and unloving person.
I am not a misandrist who hates and despises all men and I am not a s***** who is turned on and gains sexual pleasure from hitting my boyfriend but I like my boyfriend to be humble and compliant and subdued. I like to be free from the housework and I like to be free to still enjoy a s** life with varying partners and to enjoy myself together with my friends.
I do not see why I should give up these benefits when I can have them just by being a strict authoritarian with my boyfriend and making him see (and feel) how inferior he is.
He is not a slave. He has his freedom to leave me if he wants to. I do not keep him in chains and he goes out every day so when he stays with me it must be because he likes his life on the conditions I offer him. I would not be surprised if he even loves me, it would say something about how simple men are and how much they respect women who can put them in their right place.
So I do not think that I do anything wrong by being a b**** and keeping my boyfriend subdued. I think that many other educated and self-assured young women would do the same if they first found out how easy it is to take charge of a man and put him in mental shackles.