I hate my wife, I hate my family, I hate my life
I don't feel one single ounce of love for my wife. Not one bit. I can't even look at her, I can't stand being around her. Instead of love my heart feels like a burning pit of fire. I despise this woman with a deep burning passion.
Why? You ask.
Before I met her, I was excited at the prospect of settling down, and having a family. I met her and things were great! We were a match, compatable, had an amazing relationship.
Until our daughter was born.
That's when the s*** hit the fan.
I was so excited to be a father, I really wanted to be a hands on father. I grew up in a single parent family. My mother taught me that when I have a family of my own, be there. Do everything I possibly can when the kids start coming. Don't just go to work, come home, and lay on the couch and expect her to do everything.
But when our daughter was born, my wife took complete and total control. She shut me out completely of raising our daughter. It was like I didn't even exist.
She didn't act like I was the father of this beautiful, amazing, wonderful little girl. She made me feel like I'm just some guy butting into her family life.
I never, once had the opportunity to bottle feed my daughter.
I've only given her a handful of baths
I'm not allowed to pick out her outfits for the day.
I'm not allowed to cook, or clean. As I "may f*** it up and get her sick"
I'm not allowed to tuck her in to bed at night
I'm not even allowed to sleep in my own bed next to my wife. She Co sleeps with our daughter. I've been sleeping on the couch for 2 years
We have no s** life, any complaints about this results in me being called selfish and caring more about s** than our daughter.
I've even offered to help when I can see her getting overwhelmed with sleepless nights. My offer resulted in a door getting slammed in my face and being told "f*** you go away"
The most frustrating part of all this. Is that she tells all her friends, family, my family that I am no help and I do nothing. It's not for lack of not wanting to, or not trying. She just has completely shut me out. It's really not fair to me that she does this behind my back. The fact that I am still in this relationship and have not cheated should speak volumes about my character.
But I digress, I absolutely hate her. She denied me being apart of the first 2 years of my daughters life. She denied me the parental bond. I can't get this back, this cannot be undone. This experience of being a parent has been so horrible than I'm never having kids again. Ever, under no circumstances.
The reason why she shut me out completely? She feels inadequate. Self esteem issues. She was so fearful of failing, that she absolutely insisted on doing everything by herself, shutting me out completely. She wanted to prove to everyone that she can do it alone. Why? You got me there I have no idea.
The older our daughter gets, the worse she gets. I can't read a book to her, I can't sit and cuddle with her. Nothing. Anything I do that makes her feel inadequate, she scoops our daughter up and takes over.
This doesn't make me feel good at all...