Incest, abortion. AM I doing the right thing?

I'm pregnant with my son's baby - and yet I'm happy. Please, don't ridicule me or say anything harsh. I know I've made mistakes. I did things that I thought were smart but weren't. I can't un-ring the bell. I'm writing here for advice, and maybe to explain myself.

I was foolish and got married at age 18 and had my son, Drew (not his real name) when I had just turned 19. I thought I was in love but I learned early on that my husband was cheating on me. Also, he could be abusive emotionally and even borderline physically. When I thought Drew was in danger, I left my husband, divorced him, and went on my own. My pride got in my way so I didn't go to my parents for help even when the alimony and child support checks failed to arrive.

It was a struggle, but I completed my degree, got a job and took care of my baby son. In the early days he had a crib, but as he got older I could not afford a bed for him. So we shared a bed but there was nothing ever, ever sexual. We would both sleep in pajamas and when he was little he would sleep with his little stuffed dog. As he got older, we would talk, but it was always about things that we were doing, what time I had to be to work, or he had to be to Little League or soccer or how school was going. That sort of thing.

I will say that as he got older we did become more casual about nudity and if one of us was in the shower while the other was brushing teeth or whatever, or maybe going to or from the bathroom from our rooms, we might see each other naked. I look back at this and wonder if I wasn't too tolerant, but again, he was dating girls - although at his age it rarely lasted long - and it seemed so normal and non-sexual. I would also sometimes see him - even in my bed - with an erection (and I accidentally went into his room a couple of times and caught him masturbating) but even when he was in my room with a b**** the talk was not sexual and I just assumed it was the result of the normal hormones of a teenage boy.

Things crossed the line when he was almost 17. We had a very bad patch. For his part, he was hurt by a girl he really liked - but I admit that I probably didn't take his hurt as seriously as I should have. The problem I was having was that I guy I had been seeing broke up with me and at about the same time I lost my job, we had some car trouble. It seemed like everything in my life was going wrong again. We were short of cash again and I was scared and tired. One night he heard me in the shower crying my eyes out. I just couldn't take it anymore. He heard me and got into the shower with me and held me.

I should have stopped it right then and there, but for the first time in a long while I felt safe and it felt so good to be held by someone who loved me and we started to kiss.

I should not have, I knew I should not have, but I gave in. I suddenly realized that I not only loved my son, but that I was in love with my son. He is mature for his age, but he was only 16 and that shows too. One minute he seems like a man, the next minute a boy, but I was so scared and so lonely and he was so loving and gentle and so we began a sexual relationship.

When I found out I was pregnant I didn't tell him right away. I was terrified about how he would react, and I was terrified about how it would impact our relationship and how he would do in school. A million thoughts raced through my head but when I did jin up the courage to tell him I was totally surprised by his response.

I thought he would freak out, but instead he was thrilled. He was so happy. He kept saying, "I'm gonna be a dad. Really!!!?? I'm gonna be a dad. Mom I love you so much!!!" I've never seen him smile so much and then he started to cry out of sheer happiness. I didn't know whether to be relieved or terrified.

So we went along for a bit, but I kept worrying about how this would effect Drew. He was so happy, but I was worried that it would effect his plans for college and his future. I've been so lucky. I've done the Internet searches and I am so blessed. Drew's grades are good, he has friends. By all rights he should be so messed up but he isn't. He is just a happy kid in school who is thrilled that he is going to be a daddy. When he comes home he'll kiss me and then bend down to my belly and say, "Hi Junior," - he keeps calling the baby "Junior," though we just found out we are expecting a boy - "This is your daddy, and I love you with all my heart!!!"

I actually don't believe in abortion, but knowing how much this baby could adversely effect my son's future I considered at one point having an abortion, but when I told him I was thinking about it we had several serious discussions and he was dead set against it. What finally totally stopped me was when, in a really heated argument, he said to me, "Mom, you don't get it. I'm going to be the dad I never got to have."

I was stunned and realized I could not abort this baby. Besides, as time has worn on, I realize that I want this baby for all the right reasons. It's a precious little life no matter the circumstances of his birth. He is a beautiful gift that my son has given to me by sharing his naked body with me. It's not good circumstances, but I've come to think of it as beautiful and I want to have this baby to share something beautiful with my son.

So we've decided a few things.

1) Fatherhood or no, my son will go to college, though we have not worked out yet if he is going to be dorm resident - because I want him to have the whole college experience - or as a commuter. When I insisted that he go to college, he said, of course, because he was going to provide a good living for his son. I was so proud of him. My son will graduate from high school in early June, turn 18 in late June and the baby is due in August, so I think we can make this work.

2) We've decided not tell my doctor who the father is. I just told my doctor that it was a man who I didn't want in my baby's life and I asked if Drew could be present at the birth. The doctor said that was unusual, but he thought it could be worked out. My son is thrilled but I'm a bit nervous that the doc might figure out that the baby's father is my 17 year old son. Should I be worried?

3) What I am worried about is that we are not getting some of the special testing that the baby needs. This worries me. I know there is a very real chance that the baby will have birth defects but I don't know how to get him tested beyond the normal prenatal tests. So far all my examinations seem to be showing everything normal, but I'm worried. Does anyone know how I might get the additional tests I need? Please help me.

4) I know I've made some serious mistakes, but I need to know what someone out there, someone who does not know me and can see things from the outside, thinks about how I've handled this. Did I do the right thing not having an abortion? The baby seems so important to my son - and he wants so much to be a dad. I know that, in many ways that is just a boy romanticizing the father he never had, but he is also mature for his age, he is keeping his grades up and has many friends, both guys and gals, I think it would hurt him so deeply to abort the pregnancy. Am I right?

5) Most of all, my son and I continue to have a sexual relationship and I plan, so long as he wants it to continue to have s** with him. Partly, I won't lie, it is because I want it. I need to feel him and be close. I know this

Jan 2, 2018

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19 Comments

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  • You should be my mommy

  • Good for you keep it in the family love is all that matters.

  • Is your name Ivanka, and you're daddy named Don?
    This sounds sooo familiar in a funny way!

  • What in the weird fuckery

  • ....yah I agree......abortion is the way to go....

  • You have a toxic t*** within you. You must rid yourself of it. Dump it.

  • I recommend immediate abortion, even if you have to go outside the country to have it done because you're too late to do it legally here. Abort that thing. Get it out of you. Do it now. Don't wait. Abort.

  • This is unreal. No, I mean literally. It's not real.

  • You'll only be doing the right thing if you abort. ONLY.

  • You need to be in jail.

  • You're a disgusting person troll, get some f****** help with your demented mind.

  • You are a mess. Have the abortion. And then stop lying to yourself.

  • This is fake news.

  • Yep.

  • I think you are too worried about things that are unlikely, and not worried enough about ways this situation could pose a real threat to your family.

    Lots of people are going to rail on you about birth defects, but the truth is, it's unscientific to think that the child will come out with three arms or something like that. Birth defects happen in non-incestual couples as well. There is a very good possibility that the child will come out completely normal.

    The problem with inbreeding is that Incest has an amplifying effect on genetics. Whatever flaws exist in your bloodline, they have a higher chance of getting worse when both people are donating genes from the same pool. So if you have high blood pressure, and your son has high blood pressure, the baby could have *really* high blood pressure, etc. Things like this tend to get worse over multiple generations of inbreeding, like what happened to ancient royalty. But it doesn't typically happen right away.

    That being said, you have bigger fish to fry. Your first big problem is - what will happen if someone finds out? Incest is illegal, so is s** with a minor. You could get put in jail for a span of time. What will happen to your son's college plans then?

    The next question is, will you tell the child who their real father is? If you don't, your son, who seems excited about being a father, will not get to act as one. If you do, there is a chance that this child will let your secret slip (from the mouths of babes...) and you could end up going to prison at any time in the future as well.

    Also, you're a generation ahead of your son. He's going to have to bury you and he could live another 20 years or more without you. Now he could be 50 and trying to date again. That's hard enough, but if he also has a child born of incest with his mother, that's going to narrow the dating pool a bit.

  • (continued from above)

    But even if you outlive him, there could still be problems. if your relationship ever goes sour or you ever go to prison for a long span of time, it would be nearly impossible for him to find a good girl for himself who will be accepting of this family situation.

    Then, what if you have a girl? Combine an aging/imprisoned/incapacitated mom with a son who still has sexual needs and a daughter in the prime of her life in a family where incest has been normalized - and what do you have? Another generation of incest. The cycle continues, and now you ARE going to have to start worrying about birth defects.

    This would all have been much better if you would have told him he wasn't the father, and given the baby up for adoption, and put an end to the relationship so he could move on and find a wife his age. But it's too late for that now. There isn't a way to do this that won't permanently damage your relationship.

    But it isn't too late to do the right thing. Put the baby up for adoption, accept the strain it will put on your relationship with him, and stop this cycle before it continues. You are treading in very dangerous territory here.

  • Adoption? No, that just sustains the biological problem, and the potential for more and deeper trouble. It doesn't matter whether or not you "believe in abortion": this is what abortion is for. End it. End it now. Please, please, please, just END it. If you don't, you will spend the rest of your life -- in its entirety -- regretting not having an abortion. Once it's over, move away, and stay away, from your son. You are weak-willed and incredibly delusional, and you are too willing to rationalize away your horrid behaviors. End this travesty. Schedule the abortion today. Don't spend another day (or another hour) "thinking it over". Don't think. Stop thinking. End it. Abort that disaster you have in your womb. Remove that mistake from your life and from the life of the family.

  • The way OP is talking, she could be well past the point where abortion is a legal option. Besides, there is no scientific basis for the idea that one instance of inbreeding causes an ongoing "biological problem". But either way, whether it is abortion or adoption, the important thing is to get the child out of the picture so the relationship can be terminated and she can try to get her son to move on to a healthy relationship.

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